I Can Do Amazing, Crazy Shit With This
I can do amazing shit just using the power of my mind. I haven’t mentioned this until now because I’m pathologically modest and talking about my wonderful greatness is not an easy thing for me to do. But, I decided to write down some of the more wondrous things I’ve done, and can do, with my mind because I’m a firm believer in telling the truth about oneself whenever and wherever possible. I can thus assure you that every word I write, or have ever written, is absolutely and undeniably true. Every word of it. What benefit is there in making crazy shit up anyway? Now, without further ado, I give you a list of some of the crazy, amazing shit I’ve done, and can do, with the power of my mind.
1.) Yesterday I reached 165 million years into the past with the power of my cerebral cortex and caused the dinosaurs to go extinct.
I Did This
2.) As I write this I’m sending the entire universe far into the future, one second at a time, just by thinking about it.
Into The Future We Go
3.) I’m currently preventing a zombie apocalypse by willing the dead to stay in their graves.
I’m Keeping This From Happening
4.) I’m holding the building up across the street from me by simply thinking about it.
I’m Holding This Building Up Right Now
5.) I’m preventing millions of dogs from chasing millions of cats world-wide by telepathically sending them the message, “Be nice now, guys.”
I’m Keeping Them Friends
6.) I’m keeping the tectonic activity of the Earth active by channeling the power of my amygdala into the Earth’s core to keep it smokin’ hot.
I’m Keepin’ This Baby Cookin’
7.) Lastly, I’m moving the water around in the oceans by imagining massive winds blowing over it.
I’m The Reason This Happens
Thank you for reading. Yours in humble modesty, The Arm Chair Pontificator.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
So, what happens when you stub your toe, and lose your concentration?
…just curious 🙂
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A lot of bad shit I’d rather not talk about. 😀
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Hey, was that you that recently caused a lunar eclipse?
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Shhhh! That one’s a secret!
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Like your new pic, BTW.
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🙂 Thanks!
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Hahahah! Your powers are great my friend.
Can you make me a millionaire by willing it?
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I’m willing it right now. Let me know if it works.
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I will let you know
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I’ll be holding my breath awaiting your reply. 😀
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don’t, you may turn blue waiting
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Not if you become a millionaire in the next 30 seconds I won’t.
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Good to know you’re in control
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You can rest easy. I’ve got a handle on everything.
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Wonderful stuff. But can you change beer into water? I do this daily!
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With me it’s wine. I nightly turn red wine into water. Kind of a reverse Jesus type of thing I guess. Maybe for my next trick I can turn 50,000 fillet of fish sandwiches into just one. 😀
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Splendid stuff – as Woody Allen once said, ‘I can levitate birds; no one cares.’ Yet with your miraculous achievements I do believe you put Woody to shame!
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Woody was inspired by me. I sent my mind backward in time to inspire him. Amazing, eh?
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No. Honestly, he’s were I got this idea from. I just took it to crazier levels cause, well, I’m crazy.
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Whatever – keep them coming. One day you’ll win them all over!
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Will do, my friend. $Amen$ to that.
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