U.S. Military Is Completely Broke
“I’m as shocked as everyone else about this news,” President Obama said today, “but the U.S. simply can not afford to put another bullet in another gun anywhere at any time in the foreseeable future. Our military is, quite simply put, utterly and completely broke. Thus I’ve been forced to recall all military personnel from every place on the planet until we can collect enough money to send ’em all back, armed and eager to kill for their country on command. Until then, America will have to focus on its own borders (with rocks and sticks if need be) and pray the Canadians and/or Mexicans do not take this opportunity to launch an invasion. I apologize to those Americans who’ve enjoyed expanding our interests overseas through the use of bombs, tanks, and drones, but we simply no longer have the money to pay for such things. On the bright side, however, Congress assures me, that, if every American cuts back on things like medicine, food, clothing, and their children’s educations, and donates the money instead to the military budget, we’ll be back to bombing and killing in the Middle East in almost no time at all. Remember, America, it’s the countries that pray together, and save together, that can best afford to bomb and kill together.”
No Longer Affordable
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Unrelated, but I know you’ll love this:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Cook_Children
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That was terrific! Thanks. Good to see the spirit of Jonathan Swift is still alive and working in more people than just me. 😀
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Ha ha. Nice one. The United State’s budget priorities have always been something to behold and get puzzled over. Some international decisions that your leaders make are almost comical. Someone should come up with a television series that parodies some of these gaffes.
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I agree. No matter what else happens in America, we always seem to have $ to blow shit up, invade countries, and carry out 13 year wars in the Middle East without anyone saying, “Where’s the fucking money for this keep coming from?” We have a shitty health care system, but, god damn it, we sure as hell have the cash for drones and bombs. Crazy.
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Does this mean the end of ‘friendly fire’ as we know it?
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Fire is all we can afford to fight with now. Hope torches are scary to our enemies.
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The truth may be stranger than the fiction here.
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I agree.
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Obama is just calling the military back home because he knows we are going to be invaded again. Kismet!
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Hope not. Military has no bullets or fuel for the tanks and drones. They’ll have to use sticks.
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I think you guys passed that threshold somewhere around 1952… Just no one told the cheque-writer.
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*no one TOLD the cheque-writer
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I got it. 😀
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Your omniscience is showing!
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Damn! I’d better cover it up. Don’t want to get arrested for indecent exposure.
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I’m sure of it, but this scenario will NEVER come about and it’s almost never discussed. We can’t afford health care for all of our citizens, but we can spend trillions of dollars blowing shit up in the Middle East for 14 years without anyone asking, “How in f*ck’s name can we afford to do this?”
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Save together, pray together, bomb together! What a combination.
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God bless America!!
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All the time, amen
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Praise be the holy burrito.
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