Nobel Committee Members Issue Restraining Order Against Me

Those bastards on the Nobel Committee have had a restraining order issued against me again. Me! THE most brilliant mind ever to issue a one-sided, profanity filled, and emotionally clouded statement this side of Emperor Palpatine.

Nobel Prize Committee Gets Restraining Order Against Me

Nobel Prize Committee’s Restraining Order Against Me

I know, with absolute certainty, because I thought hard about it, that the Nobel Committee is pissed at me for having asked The Illuminati for a job recently. What kind of paranoid, prejudiced shit is that, huh?! My wanting to be a secret agent of evil is none of their concern and being discriminated against like this is only going to make me work harder to get a Nobel Prize from them. If they think 7000 emails, 400 ding-dong-ditch pranks, and 300 harassing phone calls at 3AM over a one week period was annoying, just wait til my lawyer gets this fucking restraining order lifted!  BASTARDS


10 thoughts on “Nobel Committee Members Issue Restraining Order Against Me

  1. Any committee that’s responsible for giving Henry Kissinger a prize deserves all the stalking they can get.


  2. Of course, the Nobel Committee is just a part of a reptilian conspiracy take over.


  3. You tell the bastards!


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