Those bastards on the Nobel Committee have had a restraining order issued against me again. Me! THE most brilliant mind ever to issue a one-sided, profanity filled, and emotionally clouded statement this side of Emperor Palpatine.
I know, with absolute certainty, because I thought hard about it, that the Nobel Committee is pissed at me for having asked The Illuminati for a job recently. What kind of paranoid, prejudiced shit is that, huh?! My wanting to be a secret agent of evil is none of their concern and being discriminated against like this is only going to make me work harder to get a Nobel Prize from them. If they think 7000 emails, 400 ding-dong-ditch pranks, and 300 harassing phone calls at 3AM over a one week period was annoying, just wait til my lawyer gets this fucking restraining order lifted! BASTARDS