Nobel Committee Members Issue Restraining Order Against Me

Those bastards on the Nobel Committee have had a restraining order issued against me again. Me! THE most brilliant mind ever to issue a one-sided, profanity filled, and emotionally clouded statement this side of Emperor Palpatine.

Nobel Prize Committee Gets Restraining Order Against Me

Nobel Prize Committee’s Restraining Order Against Me

I know, with absolute certainty, because I thought hard about it, that the Nobel Committee is pissed at me for having asked The Illuminati for a job recently. What kind of paranoid, prejudiced shit is that, huh?! My wanting to be a secret agent of evil is none of their concern and being discriminated against like this is only going to make me work harder to get a Nobel Prize from them. If they think 7000 emails, 400 ding-dong-ditch pranks, and 300 harassing phone calls at 3AM over a one week period was annoying, just wait til my lawyer gets this fucking restraining order lifted!  BASTARDS

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10 thoughts on “Nobel Committee Members Issue Restraining Order Against Me

  1. Any committee that’s responsible for giving Henry Kissinger a prize deserves all the stalking they can get.

  2. Of course, the Nobel Committee is just a part of a reptilian conspiracy take over.

  3. You tell the bastards!

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