Saint Elvis
While shooting craps this morning at an early hours casino in Heaven, Mary, Holy Mother of God, said that Elvis has officially been declared a Saint by Jesus, the most famous of her 6 children. “JC called me this morning from a fishing schooner He’s been working on, and asked me to please inform Elvis that his application was approved and he could now officially call himself, Saint Elvis. Elvis broke out into a wild version of ‘Jail House Rock’ when I gave him the news, and said that waiting to receive it was even more anxiety producing than when he was waiting to go on the Ed Sullivan Show for the first time in the 1950’s.”
Mary, Jesus Mother, Says, “Snake Eyes, Baby!”
“However,” Mary continued, “This wasn’t an easy decision for JC to make. First of all, Elvis isn’t Catholic. So making him a Saint is sure to piss them off. Catholics have done more to keep My Boy up nights than all other religions combined. They’ve got a really bloated sense of their own importance and actually think no one gets to Heaven without them. Nonsense. I mean, friggin’ Disney actually BOUGHT Heaven recently, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t ask the Pope for his permission. Angry Catholics shouting at the Heavens about how wronged they feel is not something new to us up here. You should’ve been here when Martin Luther was doing his number on them. Talk about ANGRY!! But Jesus loves Elvis and has been a fan for as long as I can remember. He accepted Elvis’ sainthood application because He wanted to give something special back to him for all the great music he’s given us. He’ll ride out the Catholic complaints as He always has and things will be quiet again shortly. But in the mean time, Viva Las Vegas, baby! It’s time to roll the die!”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
oh no, even though i have a real avatar now…it still has the wrong name
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It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya. 😀
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lol…:D i thnk you’re right
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LOL omg “while shooting craps” in heaven, mary … that’s hilarious.. they have casinos. 🙂
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Wouldn’t be Heaven unless it did. 🙂
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that’s the truth. that’s what i thought when i read it. you almost had me wanting to go,like those people who always say they’re in a much better place pretending it’s wonderful to die, better than earth…
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Those people are kinda whacky, eh? 🙂
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i believe they are & my teddy bear knows they are
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Always trust yer teddy bear.
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lol.. so he will not steer me wrong?
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Course not. He’s a teddy bear.
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🙂 well then i shall listen to him
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You’re very wise.
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you are .you told me to listen to teddy
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So Disney bought heaven too, heah? Well, there goes that neighborhood…
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“For an undisclosed amount,” or so I’ve heard.
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LOL — I guess JC heard him crying in the chapel and now he’s laughing in the Vatican. Viva Las Vegas indeed. He should fit right in.
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He will. He’s got a new tune he’s working on called “Viva Lost Vatican.” It has a haunting subtext involving young boys, old priests, and, well, rape. Kinda deep for Elvis, but maybe, just maybe, if he sings it well, people will listen and take the problem seriously. Maybe.
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I’m guessing you were aware how fucked-up Presley was, and especially when it came to
womengirls. He was into his 14 year old “cherries”. Apparently 14 was the “magical age” for him according to sources. He had a Madonna/whore complex. I was never into him, ever. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why women swooned over him. So yeah, that tune should bring him lots more 14 year old virgins to molest.LikeLike
Awesome. When it comes to Catholics, Saints, Priests, and fucked-up rock stars, 14 does seem to be the magic age. I believe Jerry Lee Lewis married a cousin of his when she was only 14. And, didn’t Loretta Lynn’s stud of a hubby marry her when she was but 14 or so? Fucked up shit. So, to answer your question. Yes. I am very much aware of how fucked up Presley was and many others like him. Priscilla’s father should have kicked Elvis’s balls out of his mouth. Pedophilia is romanticized when rock stars fuck and rape 14 year old girls and given a special dispensation when Catholic priests rape and fuck little boys. Our society is fucking disgusting. We allow it. All of us. But here, I try to have a piss and a giggle about it, because that keeps me sane. My opinion on most people is not good at all. Many are disgusting pigs, and even more watch the disgusting acts but do nothing about them or praise them. The exploitation of children, men, and women sickens me.
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I did get a giggle from your post and saw the irony. Hope I didn’t throw a pissy wet blanket on it.
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Those are best kinds of blankets there are. I used to go door to door selling them, but, the smell kinda got to me after a few months and I had to go back to my old job of being a smart ass who isn’t really all that smart. 😀 Hee Haw!!!!! How the fuck was it legal for Jerry Lee Lewis to marry a 14 year old. I mean, really.
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Because 14 year old girls were not considered human beings. They were property to be owned. Hee Haw!!! I like it when you’re a smart ass, and I DO think you’re smart.
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I read recently that cattle and other livestock had more legal rights and value than children until around the end of the 19th century. As well, the legal age of consent to be wed was 10 until about the same time. Nice. Thank goodness so many take their values from the good book, eh? Things haven’t really changed that much, methinks.
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Yep, you’re spot on.
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And spot off. Depends on the day.
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Hah — you made me think of this.
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Awesome. Great minds think alike. I was thinking of just that when I wrote my remark.
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😀
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I’m writing a completely irreverent post right now. I crack myself up writing this stuff. I’m nuts!
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You — writing an irreverent post? 😕
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I know. Can you believe it?
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Well, I can be “surprised” in the AM. I’m off to la la land.
🐻
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Pleasant dreams.
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TY
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Elvis today; Roy Orbison tomorrow!
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Great idea! Until then, he’ll be cryin’!
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