Jesus’ Mother Says Elvis Now Officially A Saint

Saint Elvis

Saint Elvis

While shooting craps this morning at an early hours casino in Heaven, Mary, Holy Mother of God, said that Elvis has officially been declared a Saint by Jesus, the most famous of her 6 children.  “JC called me this morning from a fishing schooner He’s been working on, and asked me to please inform Elvis that his application was approved and he could now officially call himself, Saint Elvis. Elvis broke out into a wild version of ‘Jail House Rock’ when I gave him the news, and said that waiting to receive it was even more anxiety producing than when he was waiting to go on the Ed Sullivan Show for the first time in the 1950’s.”

Mary, Jesus Mother, Says, "Snake Eyes, Baby!"

Mary, Jesus Mother, Says, “Snake Eyes, Baby!”

“However,” Mary continued, “This wasn’t an easy decision for JC to make. First of all, Elvis isn’t Catholic. So making him a Saint is sure to piss them off. Catholics have done more to keep My Boy up nights than all other religions combined. They’ve got a really bloated sense of their own importance and actually think no one gets to Heaven without them. Nonsense. I mean, friggin’ Disney actually BOUGHT Heaven recently, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t ask the Pope for his permission. Angry Catholics shouting at the Heavens about how wronged they feel is not something new to us up here. You should’ve been here when Martin Luther was doing his number on them. Talk about ANGRY!!  But Jesus loves Elvis and has been a fan for as long as I can remember. He accepted Elvis’ sainthood application because He wanted to give something special back to him for all the great music he’s given us. He’ll ride out the Catholic complaints as He always has and things will be quiet again shortly. But in the mean time, Viva Las Vegas, baby! It’s time to roll the die!”

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37 thoughts on “Jesus’ Mother Says Elvis Now Officially A Saint

  1. oh no, even though i have a real avatar now…it still has the wrong name

  2. LOL omg “while shooting craps” in heaven, mary … that’s hilarious.. they have casinos. 🙂

  3. So Disney bought heaven too, heah? Well, there goes that neighborhood…

  4. LOL — I guess JC heard him crying in the chapel and now he’s laughing in the Vatican. Viva Las Vegas indeed. He should fit right in.

  5. Elvis today; Roy Orbison tomorrow!

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