Here’s a list of some amazing gadgets I’ve invented for which I’ve awarded myself the Nobel Prize.
1.) Gasoline powered basketballs that play an entire game all by themselves with only a single fill up and no players.
2.) Chinchilla condoms: Designed to make her happy while keeping you warm.
3.) Rape-Free Catholic Priest Robots: They do all the work a regular priest does minus the pedophile rape.
4.) Salt-encrusted band aids for people whose boo-boos you don’t really want to see heal.
5.) Goldfish polish. A happy goldfish is one that glistens.
6.) Solar powered cats that require no food or water, ever. Just give them 8 to 9 hours of sun light every day, and they’ll last for decades.
7.) King cobras that seek out and bite only KKK members.
8.) Rat-hair socks. 20 rats go into the making of each pair.
9.) Battery/AC powered panties for the woman who prefers to do everything herself.
Above items can be purchased for just 8.99 each at the ACP online shop. Thanks for reading, and thank you for not smoking while the ride was in motion.