Condom Away: The Christian Solution To Birth Control
Are you a Christian who’s annoyed at the existence of birth control products? Would you like to eradicate them completely and send humanity back into the stone age in terms of its reproductive health? Well then, we here at Christians Inc. have just the product for you: Condom Away-a new aerosol product designed to evaporate condoms, birth control pills, and any other product ever created to prevent pregnancy or an STD with one simple spray. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you suspect a store in your area is selling birth control products. Simply walk into the store, take out your can of Condom Away, and spray once into the air. The fresh smelling lemon scent will drift throughout the store attaching itself to any and all birth control products and evaporate them completely within minutes. No one need ever know you were there. Don’t let the laws of your faith be abused and ignored by those around you. Be a good Christian and buy your can of Condom Away today. Together, we can wipe out birth control once and for all and make the world the way our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ wants it to be: full of pregnant teenage girls and millions of people sick and dying from a sexually transmitted disease. Act now and receive a free Jesus Hates Fags t-shirt with each purchase. And remember, nothing you do is wrong, as long as it’s done in Jesus’ name.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Well it sure would have a lot of teenage boys who thought they had rolled on the old protection, only to have it disappear in side the orifice of their choice, praying like heck with “oh shit!! Oh Shit” being one of the most prayed and said things. Parents can delight in the bright glow on their boys faces as they bush while describing how they had sex and then the sperm was in there and we couldn’t get it out ” as they figure out how to cancel collage plans and instead deal with new baby and mom. The gay boys can cringe as they explain that best friend Joey who stays over night each weekend gave their son the STD while buggering him to delightful completion with out a condom. Oh the many happy child parent memories this could create. Hugs
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A Republican’s wet dream, Scottie. A Republican’s wet dream. $Amen$
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Why, in a planet as MASSIVELY overpopulated as ours, do people still have a problem with birth control? I mean, really?
And surely, if some religious maniac’s creed is as awesome as they claim it is, it should be able to perpetuate itself in its own right.
Strong-arming people into breeding more devotees for whatever religion should be classed as cheating.
Said ‘new recruits’ need to be discounted when these religions announce the figures for their amount of followers.
And BTW, how do they arrive at these figures anyway? Are they self-declared?
If so fine. I head a religion called ‘Pervianity’ and I have sixty seven billion followers, including the long-dead and those as yet to be born. And I advocate birth control.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, all you uptight, unenlightened, sex-negative Abrahamic crazies out there.
…And breathe…..
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Well put!
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Wow, the last 4 sentences nailed what we are up against. The loud, the proud, and the proudly ignorant.
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Yes indeed. Proudly ignorant and arrogantly aggressive about it too.
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Very smart…but be careful: I hear them liberals and atheists and whatnot are already working on a product named the ‘Condom Away Away’. Not sure how it works, but apparently the Condom Away Away protects anti-conception from the effects of the Condom Away…
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When will it ever end? Why can’t we all just love each other? Oh, for the good old days when a simple stoning would solve all life’s problems.
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Omg! #awesome
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Thanks.
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Hey Jeff — OT — thought you might like to know, in case you weren’t aware: –http://youtu.be/nU-MBJItDuA —
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I’ll check it out and get get back to you.
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Link isn’t working for some reason.
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Never mind. I got it now. This looks awesome.
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“full of pregnant teenage girls and millions of people sick and dying from a sexually transmitted disease.”
Well said. Let’s continue to allow at least one child to die of starvation every 5 seconds. Every sperm is sacred. Jesus would be so proud.
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Amen.
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Hahahahah!
Hilarious. This got me laughing so loud at work!
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Awesome. Glad to make you laugh!
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You really can be funny.
Can I be a distributor of this product?
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Sure. You may encounter some resistance from liberal atheist types, but I’m working on a solution for that.
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I think you can talk the atheists into having many children to compete with the number of believers being born every day.
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Great idea. And fun, too. 😀
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Though eating Christian babies should work to our advantage as well
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Right. Also fun. And tasty.
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