Eradicate Birth Control With Condom Away

 Condom Away: The Christian Solution To Birth Control

Condom Away: The Christian Solution To Birth Control

Are you a Christian who’s annoyed at the existence of birth control products? Would you like to eradicate them completely and send humanity back into the stone age in terms of its reproductive health? Well then, we here at Christians Inc. have just the product for you: Condom Away-a new aerosol product designed to evaporate condoms, birth control pills, and any other product ever created to prevent pregnancy or an STD with one simple spray. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you suspect a store in your area is selling birth control products. Simply walk into the store, take out your can of Condom Away, and spray once into the air. The fresh smelling lemon scent will drift throughout the store attaching itself to any and all birth control products and evaporate them completely within minutes. No one need ever know you were there. Don’t let the laws of your faith be abused and ignored by those around you. Be a good Christian and buy your can of Condom Away today. Together, we can wipe out birth control once and for all and make the world the way our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ wants it to be: full of pregnant teenage girls and millions of people sick and dying from a sexually transmitted disease. Act now and receive a free Jesus Hates Fags t-shirt with each purchase. And remember, nothing you do is wrong, as long as it’s done in Jesus’ name.

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24 thoughts on “Eradicate Birth Control With Condom Away

  1. Well it sure would have a lot of teenage boys who thought they had rolled on the old protection, only to have it disappear in side the orifice of their choice, praying like heck with “oh shit!! Oh Shit” being one of the most prayed and said things. Parents can delight in the bright glow on their boys faces as they bush while describing how they had sex and then the sperm was in there and we couldn’t get it out ” as they figure out how to cancel collage plans and instead deal with new baby and mom. The gay boys can cringe as they explain that best friend Joey who stays over night each weekend gave their son the STD while buggering him to delightful completion with out a condom. Oh the many happy child parent memories this could create. Hugs

  2. Why, in a planet as MASSIVELY overpopulated as ours, do people still have a problem with birth control? I mean, really?
    And surely, if some religious maniac’s creed is as awesome as they claim it is, it should be able to perpetuate itself in its own right.
    Strong-arming people into breeding more devotees for whatever religion should be classed as cheating.
    Said ‘new recruits’ need to be discounted when these religions announce the figures for their amount of followers.
    And BTW, how do they arrive at these figures anyway? Are they self-declared?
    If so fine. I head a religion called ‘Pervianity’ and I have sixty seven billion followers, including the long-dead and those as yet to be born. And I advocate birth control.
    Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, all you uptight, unenlightened, sex-negative Abrahamic crazies out there.
    …And breathe…..

  3. Wow, the last 4 sentences nailed what we are up against. The loud, the proud, and the proudly ignorant.

  4. Very smart…but be careful: I hear them liberals and atheists and whatnot are already working on a product named the ‘Condom Away Away’. Not sure how it works, but apparently the Condom Away Away protects anti-conception from the effects of the Condom Away…

  5. Omg! #awesome

  6. Hey Jeff — OT — thought you might like to know, in case you weren’t aware: –http://youtu.be/nU-MBJItDuA —

  7. “full of pregnant teenage girls and millions of people sick and dying from a sexually transmitted disease.”

    Well said. Let’s continue to allow at least one child to die of starvation every 5 seconds. Every sperm is sacred. Jesus would be so proud.

  8. Hahahahah!
    Hilarious. This got me laughing so loud at work!

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