Life-Long Masturbator Listens To New Supreme Court Ruling
In a ruling that’s sure to shock more than a few people, the U.S. Supreme Court and The Christian God, have determined that a man’s genitals, and most importantly his sperm cells, DO NOT belong to him and he DOES NOT have the legal or moral right to masturbation, fornication, or touching of his genitals for any reason other than to urinate or to clean them. Any man not following this law will be summarily executed without trial. “Each sperm cell,” the Supreme Court declared today,”is half a human being. To ensure that the rights of these Christian sperm half people be protected, each newly born baby boy will be implanted with an electrical device which will notify authorities if masturbation is attempted at any point during the male’s life. Also, if the male attempts to fornicate outside of an approved Christian marriage, he will be hanged, eviscerated and feed his own entrails while yet alive, and all on live TV. This ruling is final and can not be over turned. It is what the Christian God wants, and it comes from a place of deep love for all God’s creatures. Amen.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Wait for it…
Waaaait for it…
Man claims surgeons AMPUTATED his penis without his permission during circumcision surgery
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Thing is, this, as a national or world wide issue, will never happen. Religions and Governments are male dominated and male run. There would be no abortion question or birth control issue if the emphasis were on men’s bodies instead of women’s. In spite of any progress we think we’ve made, we live in a misogynistic society. The Hobby Lobby ruling was a way to give corporations a way to control female sexuality. Hobby Lobby’s insurance still covers Viagra and vasectomies. Thus, the ruling was a slam against women’s reproductive rights only. Fuck it all to the shitter.
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You are correct, of course. That said, I put nothing past the wackos.
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Well, almost anything. Castrating atheists? Yep. That I can see happening.
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Oooh, ouch, YIKES! Quit it.
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That’s why I eat the christian babies that I do. It makes a tasty meal for me, and eradicates them at the same time. Yummy, yum, yum, yum!!!!
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Haha! Haha! Haha! You do realize you’re going straight to hell, don’t you.
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Got my passport and plane tickets all ready.
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This is going to be the downfall of the Kleenex corporation, or company, or foundation, or whatever it is the good people of Kleenex call themselves…
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Good point. Kleenex would be more aptly named cumupance, cause it’s used as much for that as anything else.
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We are supposed to clean our genitals??? Jesus H Christ, every day a new departure!
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Only with ice water. Wouldn’t want to enjoy the cleaning too much.
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Best invest in shares of those manufacturing boxing gloves – sales will soar for sure!
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Yep.
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Hahahahaha 😀
This looks like where this people would take us if they manage to take control of government once more
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Oh, you can bet on it.
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You may have to click on image to enlarge. 😉
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Love it!
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Semen is gonna hit the fan now. Monty Python would be so proud.
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Wouldn’t they though? Every sperm is sacred!
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….If a sperm is wasted, god gets quite irrate
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The Christian god anyway. Not so sure Odin much cares.
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Thing here, too, is, just imagine how quickly abortion would no longer be an issue if it were MEN’S bodies we were talking about and not women’s. I’ve no doubt, if men had to carry babies, there would be no issue as to who has a right to their bodies. The entire Bible would be different. Misogyny lies at the bottom of much of this kind of thing.
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Very true. You may have already heard this quote, but it seems fitting after your comment:
—Woman cabdriver to Florynce Kennedy and Diane Schulder, 1971
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I have heard it, and it rings very true.
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