In order to keep up with the demand that god and faith become more incorporated, legally speaking, into the daily lives of Americans, Congress today voted that Islamic Law now become the ONLY law in America. “Yeah,” said Congressman and Sheikh, Joe Doohicky of Virginia, “we in Congress just got tired of all this bitchin’ and moanin’ over what exactly is and what exactly isn’t separation of church and state. So, we decided to toss out the state part all together and make America Islamic by law. Things are just bloody simpler this way. Why Islam, you ask? The answer is easy: because there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet. Let me repeat that for you, just so there’s no confusion, OK? There is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet. This means, that as of tomorrow, July fourth, no religion but Islam can be practiced or even mentioned by any American citizen ever again. Anyone doing so will be immediately stoned to death. As well, every American female will now keep her face completely covered when in public. We don’t want women, the temptresses of Satan, encouraging decent men to rape them with their demonic faces and seductive eyes. Women not following this law will be put to death by stoning. Immediately.
Remember this, and all will be well: there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet. We followers of Allah, who make up the Congress of the United States, have killed every member of the Supreme Court and the President. As well, we’ve taken total control of the military and will nuke any state that does not comply with this new law. We, your Islamic Congress, are now everything to you, America, like it or not. We wish you, and your loved ones, a very blessed, Islamic, Fourth of July. It is the day America will remember as the day it truly became one nation under one god, Allah. The right religion has finally been made into the law of the land. There is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his prophet.”