Mitt Romney released a statement today saying his disappointment over having lost the last Presidential Election to Barrack Obama has finally been washed away. The Mormon Church has granted him the title of “God” and has presented him with his very own planet to lord over. “I can not tell you how happy I am to be God,” said Lord Romney. “I mean it FUCKIN’ ROCKS PEOPLE!!! I truly love the Mormons. What other male dominated religion out there offers men such an awesome fringe benefit for practicing it? I’m not sure where my planet is yet, but I’m heading there in an hour. I’ve been told it’s about 6000 light years from Earth, so in all likelihood I’ll never be back.
I’ll miss some stuff perhaps, but my over-whelming sense of omnipotent power is quickly wiping away any sense of loss I’m experiencing from leaving.” Lord Mitt could not be reached for further comment on this exciting announcement. The photos shown here, of the new God and his planet, were released about an hour ago by The Mormon Church’s publicity dept.