Mitt Romney Becomes God Of His Own Planet

Newest Mormon God, Mitt Romney

Newest Mormon God, Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney released a statement today saying his disappointment over having lost the last Presidential Election to Barrack Obama has finally been washed away. The Mormon Church has granted him the title of “God” and has presented him with his very own planet to lord over. “I can not tell you how happy I am to be God,” said Lord Romney. “I mean it FUCKIN’ ROCKS PEOPLE!!! I truly love the Mormons. What other male dominated religion out there offers men such an awesome fringe benefit for practicing it? I’m not sure where my planet is yet, but I’m heading there in an hour. I’ve been told it’s about 6000 light years from Earth, so in all likelihood I’ll never be back.

Lord Mitt Romney's Planet 6000 Light Years Away

Lord Mitt Romney’s Planet 6000 Light Years Away

I’ll miss some stuff perhaps, but my over-whelming sense of omnipotent power is quickly wiping away any sense of loss I’m experiencing from leaving.” Lord Mitt could not be reached for further comment on this exciting announcement. The photos shown here, of the new God and his planet, were released about an hour ago by The Mormon Church’s publicity dept.

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28 thoughts on “Mitt Romney Becomes God Of His Own Planet

  1. Sadly, the entire Mormon Celestial Kingdom will be blown to smithereens when Kolob goes supernova.

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    • Poor guys. But, if you’re a fan of the “Battle Star Galactica” SiFi series, like I am, you’d know Kolob is abandoned. There’s no one there to be killed. Go Mormons, Go!!!!

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    • They did do a word-play on Kolob, didn’t they?

      Hey, are you getting email notifications of new posts? Mine stopped 2 days ago.

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    • Right, they called it Kabal, I think. I loved that show. I have been getting them, not yours though. Have you posted anything new in the last few days? Actually, I haven’t even gotten any of your comment updates. That’s odd.

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    • It was a great show. I loved the original, but the writers of the new stuff took it to entirely new heights. Has anyone figured out what, exactly, Kara was in the end?

      I haven’t posted anything for a few weeks. Taking the winter off from posting.

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    • Kobol they called it. Just checked. Kara was an angel, I guess. Ronald D. Moore who created it was one of the head writers on STNG and DS9. Loved those shows too. Glen A. Larsen, the original creator was a Mormon. That’s why I figure Kara was an angel. They’re big on those. Winter? Oh, right. You’re an Aussie. Listen pal, it’s summer in the Americas, OK? Winter in June, ugh. What’s next, christians without guns? Come on!

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    • BTW, I’ve been in love with Katie Sackoff since Battle Star first aired. She was in a brief re-do of The Bionic Woman which ran for like 7 shows before it was canceled. She wasn’t the lead, but she was..bionic.

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    • What’s there not to love?

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    • Nothing. She’s in a show called Longmire that I watch just cause she’s in it. They need to cast her as Ms. Marvel in a Marvel comic movie. She’d be perfect. There’s been talk of it.

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  2. now that you mention he is omnipotent, he only need to will it and he will cover 6K light years in seconds, unless omnipotence works differently

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  3. We watched a documentary on the Mormons yesterday evening. It seems they believe JC visited the States after he died and before he went up to heaven. Fuck me!

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    • It’s a wild religion. It’s “Battle Star Galactica.” Seriously, the premise for that show is very much Mormon. And good Mormon men get to be God of their planet. Our “god” came from another planet to be god here. He married Mary and had two kids, Jesus and Lucifer. That is Mormonism. It isn’t any nuttier than any other religion, but it sure as fuck isn’t christianity, not the way christians see it anyway. That’s why they are so quiet about it. Strange.

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    • The strange thing is, that mormons really believes this. They believe Adam was/is a god. Hence mormons are polytheists.

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    • I know. That’s about as far from “traditional” christian thinking as you can get. This is why the Mormons stay VERY quiet about there “real” faith. They instead say they are “christians” as to not lose political power. Mitt Romney would be dead in the political water for good if he admitted he were a polytheist. Stupid, really, as Mormonism is no crazier than any other religion. It’s all made up shit.

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    • >Stupid, really, as Mormonism is no crazier than any other religion. It’s all made up shit.

      Absolutely.

      >They instead say they are “christians” as to not lose political power.

      They are cowards, not being tough enough to admit their true colours.

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    • I could not agree more. If you’re going to believe something, BELIEVE it, or admit you’re full of shit. On the Federal level, in America, if you’re not a “christian” you’ve no chance at a higher office. I find that disgusting as our Constitution says, “separation of church and state” right in it. Sad. It shouldn’t matter. But here, it’s ALL that seems to matter.

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    • We in the Netherlands don’t care what religion our politicians have, I would doubt if anyone here actually what religion our prime-minister belongs to. There are even rumors that our king had once admitted to be an atheist.

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    • That’s how it should be. You folks are advanced emotionally as a people. I personally don’t care if someone believes in and worships Thor and Odin, just as long as they don’t expect me to do the same and bring their personal beliefs into a political realm. They do not belong there.

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    • Oddly one of them (a young American lad in a suit) stopped me in the street the other week. I told him that I was already devout. Somewhat on the back foot he asked ‘devout in what?’ ‘Atheism’ my riposte as I walked on. Rather polite of me I thought.

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    • How nice of you. Mormons in England, eh? What’s the world coming to?

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    • The documentary we saw said we have 200,000 Mormons! I’ve personally only seen the odd pair of suited and booted young Americans walking about our town centres on a conversion mission though.

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    • Praise be the alien god Jeebus!

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