God: “Heaven Now Belongs To The Mouse.”
In shocking news today from Paradise, God, the Father Almighty, has announced He’s sold Heaven to Disney Studios for an undisclosed amount and will be retiring to Orlando, Florida on December 25th of this year.
“That’s my son’s birthday,” said God. “I’ll throw him a nice party on the beach in Orlando; then plan the rest of my unending existence right after that. I’ve truly had it with trying to help save human beings. They’re an unappreciative bunch of self-aggrandizing little shits. They’re not worthy of the unending happiness in Paradise I prepared for them, especially the Christians. I realized yesterday that, emotionally, I couldn’t do it anymore. It takes a shit-load of time, effort, and money to run a place like Heaven, things I no longer have enough of to waste. So I decided that, if George Lucas could sell ‘Lucas Film’ to Disney, I sure as hell could sell them Heaven and retire to Orlando.”
God concluded by saying, “Disney is planing on turning Heaven into either a huge multi-screen TV sports bar, or a top of the line Jewish Deli with a multiplex movie theater connected to it. Either way, I wish them well, cause I’m done with it.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
God is so full of shit. He’ll do anything to make a profit. As George Carlin accurately stated
“God needs money — he ALWAYS needs money.”
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And he doesn’t have to pay taxes! Go figure. I love George Carlin. I sure do miss him.
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Me too. Almost as much as I miss Sagan.
God taught CEO’s of mega corporations well. He taught them the cunning loopholes of getting out of paying taxes.
Praise be to the greatest thief that ever “lived”.
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Indeed. Rat bastards.
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BTW, did you see the last episode of the new “Cosmos”? deGrasse Tyson had a five minute segment at the end with Sagan doing the voice over. It was touching and beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.
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Yeah — just like in the first episode at the end when he pulled out the autographed book Sagan signed when he was young — and shared about the profound influence Sagan had on his life. Yeah, both were Kleenex moments.
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Absolutely.
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what happens to heaven if Disney goes under? Do they close heaven?
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There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of Disney going under. I don’t think you need worry bout it.
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that is reassuring.
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Indeed it is. Disney will turn Heaven into a Jewish deli and it will last for eternity. I for one love corned beef so this is nice to know. There’ll always be a Jewish deli around when I’m hungry!
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will they be making christian babies for dinner
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Only if they pay me for my recipe. Otherwise, screw em.
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Hahaha. You are a mean atheist
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Only on the inside, my friend, only on the inside.
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