Klingon Empire Declares War On Roman Catholic Church

Klingon Warriors Out For Revenge

Klingon Warriors Out For Revenge

In a statement received today from the Klingon home world of Qo’noS, the Klingon Empire has declared war on the Roman Catholic Church for allegedly placing known pedophile priests in Klingon parishes without revealing the rape-laden pasts of these men beforehand. The statement further went on to explain that over the past several decades more and more Klingon men have been coming forth saying they’d been abused as children by their parish priests and were suffering in their quest to be really bad-ass mother fuckin’ warriors because of it. The Klingon Empire has determined that the Roman Catholic Church knowingly and secretly placed pedophile boy-rapists on Qo’noS in order to protect them from facing criminal charges on Earth for their horrific acts. It holds The Roman Catholic Church, and its leaders, fully accountable for these acts. Thus, all property of the Church will be disintegrated by laser-fire from Klingon Birds of Prey in orbit above the Earth. As well, all Catholic Cardinals and the Pope will be taken to Qo’noS and executed by the Ka’naaR, a Klingon form of crucifixion which allows the condemned to remain alive for up to a week before dying on the cross. The statement concluded with an old Klingon proverb: Klingons never forgive those who harm them. They kill them. Very slowly.

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9 thoughts on “Klingon Empire Declares War On Roman Catholic Church

  1. Great post per usual. By the way, do you think R2D2 was shagged by a priest?

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  2. I need to stop reading stories like this if I don’t want to burst into obnoxious laughter in the library.

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