Now for a re-post of an ACP classic.
” It was an accident!,” Moses said today, in response to allegations that he reopened the Red Sea for a second time only to then close it while three inebriated shepherds were walking through it. “For Christ’s sake already! I’m only human! I only opened the damn thing again because St. Augustine bet me a case of “Bud Light” I wouldn’t be able to do it. He said I’ve become too soft and senile in my old age to do any serious Bible-sized miracles again, so he made the bet with me. I really didn’t expect anyone to be dumb enough to try to walk through it after I opened it, so after I made St. Augustine give me my beer, I simply closed it again. Excuse me if I didn’t think to look for three drunken shepherds first before I did. Knuckleheads! What did they say to each other when they saw two massive walls of water where one huge body of water had just been, ‘Oh look, the fucking Red Sea just miraculously parted itself for us. There’s no need to waste money on a boat now! How convenient. Let’s just fuckin’ take a walk through it!’ Total chowder head activity folks. You’ll have to excuse me for not feeling too sorry. I’ve got me a case of beer to drink and some college football to watch.” Moses had no further comment but shouted out as he walked away,” Go Buckeyes!”