Robert The Reviewer Reviews Xmen: Days Of Future Past

Me neem ’tis Robert ‘n I’m ‘ere ta review da film, EEEKsmen: Dees ov Future Pas’. Et reminded me mostly ov da teem me ‘n me girlie boy faggot ov a son ’twas huntin’ fer da haggis beastie outside ov da Moors ov Edinburgh en Scotland!

Robert The Reviewer

Robert The Reviewer

Me son, who’s more girl dan man, ’twas pickin’ ‘is faggot arse en da damn bushes when da feckin’ haggis beastie lifted up ‘is ugly ‘ead en spit venom on ’em. ‘Course me girl ov a son cried out like da bitch ‘e is, “Da! Help me, Da! The haggis is spittin’ venom on me ‘n I’m scared!” Well, no need ta tell ye, hearin’ me own woman ov a boy cry out like a faggoty girl sent me runnin’ ‘ome ta beat me skanky wife fer ‘avin’ dat lil’ bitch en da firs’ place. Lucky fer ‘er she weren’t der when I arrived or fer damn sure I’d ‘ave loosened ‘er teeth but good.  Jus’ den though me son, girl dat ‘e is, come a runnin’ inta me house wit dat haggis beastie’s carcass en one ‘and ‘n ‘is head en da other. “How da feck did yer girlie arse do dat,” I axed ’em. “T’wern’t me dat did it, Da,” ‘e  says. “T’was dat Wolvereen fella from dem EEEksmen movies dat did, ‘n ‘e come home wit me.” ‘N sure ’nuff me faggot boy weren’t lyin’, ’cause wit ’em was Mr. Hugh Jackman, who ‘ad killed dat haggis wit ‘is own bare ‘ands, or so ‘e said.

Hugh Jackman: The Only Good Haggis Is A Dead Haggis, RRRRR!

Hugh Jackman: The Only Good Haggis Is A Dead Haggis, RRRRR!

I invited ’em ta stay and help us eat dat beastie, but ‘e said ‘e ‘ad ta run, ‘n ‘e left. Jus’ then, me wife came ‘ome. First I beat ‘er fer ‘avin’ such a faggot boy fer a son. Then I ‘ad ‘er gut an’ cook dat haggis ‘n we all three ate ’em right up. I’m Robert Da Reviewer, ‘n dat’s me review ov da film, EEEKSmen: Days ov Future Pas’.

22 thoughts on “Robert The Reviewer Reviews Xmen: Days Of Future Past

  1. I’m a big fan of Robert the Reviewer – pass along my thanks for the laugh.


  2. Brilliant on account of conveying an accent in words alone!;)


  3. Great stuff – talking of Scottish I read that a UK TV Series ‘RAB C NESBITT’ set in Glasgow was aired in the States with subtitles?


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