Saint Paul VS Mohammad: A Battle To The Death, Sunday On Fox

Fox News announced this morning that Saint Paul, creator of Christianity, and Mohammad, creator of Islam, will fight to the death this Sunday at 8PM on the patio of Todd’s Crawdad Emporium in South Bend, Indiana.”We’ll be broadcasting the event live,” said Fox News Sports anchor, Gary Dobsinskiebergstein.

 I've Added A Few Things. Makes It Read Better

I’ve Altered A Few Things To Make It Read Better

“Of course, we here at Fox are hoping St. Paul kills Mohammad and very, very slowly, too, because he’s Islamic. We here at Fox News are Christians, and we bask in the light of Jesus’ love for us and those exactly like us. Thus, we hate Islamic people because they deny the divinity of Jesus, the guy Paul said was God, a really long time ago, and people just took his word for it. I personally hope Paul flays the bastard, slowly, keeping the skin intact in one piece. That way, Paul can mock Mohammad even further by wearing his flesh as he disembowels him, fries his intestines in a pan, and shoves them into his mouth while shouting, ‘Doesn’t pig taste delicious, you fucking Muslim dog!’

Hey Guys, Why'd Mohammad Tie Her Head To His Horse's?

Say Guys, Why’d Mohammad Tie that Head To His Horse?

After Mohammad has finished eating, Paul can reach into his chest, tear out his beating heart, toss it onto the floor, and stomp it into a bloody pancake before flushing it down the toilet. Finally, after Mohammad’s body is quartered and given to atheists to eat, Saint Paul can say mass. We all can share in the glory of Christ’s love for us by consuming his flesh and drinking his blood. That’s what we here at Fox News hope happens. But if, for some God awful reason, Mohammad gets the upper hand on Paul and kills him, the Fox News team will tear him into bloody pieces with our bare hands. We’ve done it before, and if need be, we’ll do it again. So be sure and watch Sunday. You’ll regret it if you don’t, especially if you love Jesus like we do.”

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11 thoughts on “Saint Paul VS Mohammad: A Battle To The Death, Sunday On Fox

  1. Will this be covered on Al Jazeera too?…They tend to be more fair and unbalanced:S

    • Fox News hates them, so no. Though that could be a fight, Al Jazeera vs Fox News to the death. Islam is dead on right about St. Paul, though. It is he who created what we know as Christianity at the expense of Jesus’ teachings. I respect Islam for its directness and being what they say it is. A monotheistic faith with lots and lots and lots of pleas in the Qur’an to kill infidels and spread the love. At least they’re up front about it.

    • Yeah, I’ll give Islam that…at least they’re honest about their strategy (kill all the infidels vs. Christianity’s make all the infidels feel so miserable they kill themselves)

    • Oh, Christians out and out right hate and kill too, but they do it while talking of love, warmth, and the all encompassing bliss of Christ’s divine love and forgiveness of everyone. Say one thing, do another, then act like those who point it out are discriminating against you and being nasty. Hell, Julius Caesar never apologized for killing a million Gauls and enslaving hundreds of thousands more. He wanted the glory of taking Gaul for Rome, and he did. Was horribly brutal and nasty, but at least he was honest. The Gauls knew exactly what was up. Sucked. But lacked ambiguity.

    • Yeah, I know you’re right…I guess passive aggressiveness is not really a tactic, but rather a cover for actual aggression, kinda like invading a country and labeling it ‘liberation’.

    • And freeing it of WMD’s that turn out not to be there. The Islamic world sees America’s actions as another Crusade, Christians vs Islam. And that’s what it is. America is not a country of religious freedom, it is a Christian nation ruled by Christians with values of Christians forced down our throats. Just because it’s not done at gun point, doesn’t mean it’s not being done. Islam is a focused, clearly motivated faith. Yes, there are sects of it that do not focus on killing infidels, but many do, and they aren’t going away. This crusade is one Christianity will lose in time, as will America. You can’t be blind, stupid, and ignorant forever without pissing off an enemy you can’t beat. Faith will rule out in the end. Muslim faith.

  2. Hilarious. You have a way around this theological problems.

    • Odd how the most subjective book in history almost, the Bible, has SO many objective interpretations. One Bible and 25 different Christian sects, each claiming they are right and the others wrong. SUBJECTIVE folks! Open to interpretation. Now, toss in the Qur’an, and the mess gets bigger. Idiocy. Complete idiocy.

    • Complete idiocy

  3. Ooh! Now you’ve gone and done it! Haha! I also like the caption under Paul’s picture.

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