Neil deGrasse Tyson Accused Of Being A Cannibal By Christian Rights Activist

The latest non-believer in the conservative Christian dog house, “Cosmos” host, Neil deGrasse Tyson, was accused this morning of being a cannibal by a Christian rights activist named Mary Slickpusie. “Mr. Tyson walked up to me last night as I was nailing a sign to his front door reading, ‘Stop Polluting God’s Children With Lies About Evolution Or We’ll Kill You,’ and gave me the most evil look I’ve ever seen, anyone give anyone, ever,” Ms. Slickpusie said to reporters this morning.”The look was so filled with the evil power of Satan, it allowed Mr. Tyson to project his thoughts into my mind telepathically. Once there, he informed me he hated Jesus so much he ate Christian babies, alive, every night just to make him cry.

Nail Another Sign On My Door, Bitch, And It Won't Be An Infant I'll Be Eating!

Nail Another Sign On My Door, Bitch, And It Won’t Be An Infant I’ll Be Eating!

Neil Tyson should be arrested, castrated, and fed alive to starving crocodiles for projecting his thoughts into my mind without asking for permission and for cannibalizing Christian infants on a nightly basis. And just in case no one’s noticed, Mr. Tyson is black. That alone is enough to convict and hang him in some Conservative, Christian States. Thus, I’m asking that the FBI and the CIA join forces immediately to hunt down and kill Neil deGrasse Tyson and bring an end to his campaign of hate against Jesus, the Bible, and racist, conservative, richer than any Liberal will ever be, Christians once and for all. Amen, and Hallelujah!”


14 thoughts on “Neil deGrasse Tyson Accused Of Being A Cannibal By Christian Rights Activist

  1. This is not a debate I’ve heard anything of this side of the pond yet have read both your post and the comments so now have a feel for it. A stand out point – albeit me off at a tangent is ‘Slickpusie’ – what a fabulous name!


  2. This is now one of my favourite blogs 😀


  3. Once again, a brilliant take on the current COSMOS ‘controversy’ (I use the term controversy very loosely, as I fail to see what’s controversial about the show; it’s not like we get to see Tyson naked or anything)…
    The first paragraph perfectly sums up the mindset of religious aggression, the same one saw a lot of women tried as witches not too long ago…


    • I’m absolutely stunned there is a controversy. Shocking. Christians are sinking away from time’s eye, and there grasping at any ole debris they can think up to stay afloat. Ain’t gonna help em.


    • Exactly, this is what I meant with my earlier dying star comparison…My guess is there’s a current generations of Christians too proud to admit that they were somewhat off the mark by believing the world is only 6500 years old. And to be fair, it’s quite an ego crusher to come out and say: ‘Yeah, I used to think it all started with Adam, Eve and a snake, but then this educated Mike Tyson told me some of the stars I see at night shone their light well before ‘Adam and Eve’ were walking upright.’
      I have nothing against spirituality (I actually consider myself to be quite spiritual), but the moment you want to fence off between spirituality and science it becomes a bit silly…and sad.
      Like I said before, I don’t believe we should yield for religious B.S. under any circumstance, but it does help me to realize the debate surrounding COSMOS will be viewed like a debate between Nelson Mandela and a bunch of racist farm animals…in a few decades or so;)


    • I agree with you totally. Theism explained the world perfectly before we had naturalism and the scientific method to help us understand it better and teach us just how much about it we don’t know. Knowledge takes time to acquire through effort, work, humbleness, and, at times, great disappointment because even the surest seeming hypotheses sometimes fail when put to the test. Spirituality and connectedness or whatever folks call it is healthy and good. Any thing that brings us closer to peace within ourselves and with the world around us, a world we do not control and do not yet fully understand, is good. The path to inner peace is a journey each of us must find for himself. Seldom do the paths of true inner peace intersect exactly alike for any two people. No religious group has the right to claim it is the one and only right path all must share or die. Fuck Christianity. What really, really sickens me most about it though, is that Jesus, the dude Christians claim to be their god, hasn’t got a fucking thing to do with it. Nothing at all. No one EVER follows the words attributed to him LITERALLY. No one. Least of all fuck wad Christian Fundamentalists claiming they take the Bible literally. Fuck em.


  4. Sorry sir, could you please ask Miss Mary if it wouldn’t be better to feed the trespasser to crocodiles who have eaten already, because this would make chewing slow and boring, thus kinda agonising?
    Thank you in advance, señor!


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