Velcro Is To Roswell As Bullshit Is To…..?

Don’t know how this amazing piece of well-known, undeniable proof has eluded me all these years, but, apparently, we would not have Velcro today had aliens not crashed landed a space ship in the Mexican desert in the 1950’s. That’s what a Faith-filled alien conspiracy believer shouted at me yesterday when I told him I did not see any conceivable reason to believe such an event happened.

 Proof The Government Is Hiding A Crashed Alien Space Craft

Proof The Government Is Hiding A Crashed Alien Space Craft

And I mean SHOUTED at me, as if I’d questioned his manhood or some other deeply sensitive thing. “What about fuckin’ Velcro, mother fucker?! Explain that shit, you shit head!” I also didn’t realize that by not believing in alien space craft crash conspiracies I was a “mother fucker” and a “shit head.” Live and learn, I guess. There are two words that come into my mind lately whenever I’m told about U.S. grand scheme cover-up conspiracies: Edward Snowden. You remember him don’t you, the NSA entry-level worker who blew the whistle on the illegal internet spying the U.S. does on its own citizens? That Edward Snowden. It amazes me how so many believe the “Government” to be so omnipotent and God-like that it can hide an alien space craft in the New Mexican desert for 70 years and murder 3000 innocent people on 9/11 without a single piece of credible evidence to these Earth changing events ever being produced by anyone, ever, and, at the same time, be so oafish as to let Snowden do what he did. Because believe me, the NSA did NOT want Snowden doing what he did and then, worse yet, rubbing their faces in it by running to Russia for protection and becoming Putin’s personal bitch. Velcro. Velcro is the fucking selling point for these idiots. Mother fucking Velcro. I’m convinced, that if an alien species did come here, they’d turn tail and run. We are a stupid lot, collectively speaking. I would fly off right now myself, except, last time I checked, Velcro did not work well as a warp drive for inter galactic space travel.

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19 thoughts on “Velcro Is To Roswell As Bullshit Is To…..?

  1. Pingback: If Roswell event could be Proven to Have Happen it Would Disrupt the Known World into complete Chaos | Robert Pickerings/Teliquan's Blog

    • If the snot that drains from our noses could be proven to be the green mind invading alien life form that it really is, companies making tissue would go out of business. Since we know that would never be allowed to happen, anyone who attempts to expose nose snot for what it truly is is killed by the the real rulers of the world, yellow caterpillars. Never question the snot from your nose again, and when you blow it out of your face into a tissue, show your appreciation for how much you love it by eating it; otherwise, I might just think you’re stupid and don’t believe a thing I just wrote.

  2. Does this mean George de Mestral was an alien?

    • What’s wrong with you, mate? Don’t ya EVER think using TWO brain cells at the SAME time? Of course he wasn’t an alien! He was an astral projectionist and sent his chi to the alien’s world to get the formula for Velcro. THAT’S why the bloody ship crashed! Apparently Mestral owed money to the King alien for the formula and didn’t pay and the ship that crashed contained, not only lots of Velcro, but 6 alien thugs sent to muscle the cash outta him. Jeez! Don’t ya know nothin! You probably are a keep “Cosmos” on the air ninny too, I’ll bet!

    • Ahhhhh, got it!

    • That’s cause you’s such a smart feller!

  3. I commented on the League of Mental Men on this one already Sir!

  4. @Basil the Roswell Alien

    First of all, it was Paul alone who gave us the velcro, not “we”! It was first documented by the MiB, although under different names. If you want evidence, watch the documentaries: MiB 1, 2, 3 and Paul.
    And the “Hallmark” cards were originally “Paulmark” cards…

  5. It’s not just velcro. We also gave you guys the microwave, electric vibrators (they ran on steam before we guys dropped by) and hallmark cards that play a song when you open them.
    If you’re gonna expose us, at least give us proper credit for everything we gave you guys.

    Oh, and that duracell rabbit that keeps on walking and walking forever? Yeah, he’s an alien too…

    • Musical Hallmark Cards? Really? Well then, that’s different! I friggin’ LOVE those things! Welcome to the New Mexican desert, my friend. Oh, watch out for side winders, their bite’ll kill ya!

  6. Of course there then was the Velcro gusset. An item that almost made it to the ladies lingerie departments save for one fatal flaw! Fine post by the way.

  7. Who knew?! 🙂

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