Backwater, Tennessee. An outspoken, and very angry, Southern Christian pastor, The Reverend James Tightsphincter, is claiming the new version of “Cosmos” is not only dumb, it’s stupid.
Reverend James Tightsphincter
“First off,” Mr. Tightsphincter said this morning, “Mike Tyson is a gosh darned ex-boxer and a convicted felon! What in the H E double toothpicks makes him qualified to host a program about the cosmos? Really?! I mean COME ON!!! Secondly, it is HIGHLY insulting to air such, excuse my French, crud on TV because it is demeaning to Christians like me who are very, very smart and know that the Bible is the ONLY truth there is to EVER know about space and stuff! OOH!!!! I’m telling you, I could poop nickles right about now, I’m so mad!!! Does Mike Tyson think, that just because he’s a big, bad tough guy with a tattooed face, that he can go on TV and tell people lies about the origin of man?! That no good-nick! God made man, and he made him 6000 years ago. That’s an undeniable fact, Mr. Heavyweight Man! And that, excuse my French again, crud you said about the universe being billions of years old is also NOT true. You liar, liar pants on fire, you! There’s harm in telling such lies, pal. They have frightened and angered my poor Jesus loving children SOOOO much, they stormed the local library and pee-peed on every book they found which contained pictures of boxers and/or stars in it.
Mike Tyson Claims He Has No Recollection Of Ever Hosting A TV Show Of Any Kind
You are dumb, Mr. Mike Tyson! And one day, you’ll get your comeuppance because I, and many other Southern Christian conservatives like me, have really, really big guns and we KNOW how to use them! We are not afraid Mr. Blasphemer. We are not afraid of you one tiny bit. Now why don’t you put that on your stupid TV show and smoke it, eh?
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
You had me in stitches! Very good satire 🙂 And I see little Zeus (is it?)is back.
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Thank you very much, and yes, little Old Testament guy has returned. I felt naked without him.
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This is great satire…realy, you grabbed the whole COSMOS debate by the balls and threw it back at every creationists who lacks any…And it’s a necessary form of satire, as this article will show you: http://nationalreport.net/kansas-black-cosmos-show-controversies/
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That’s sickening. Really. Sickening. it is time Mommy and Daddy take the fucking religious kiddies out to the wood shed and not return with them til they’ve learned some manners. I fucking HATE Christianity more and more every fucking day I live. And THESE fuckers get tax exempt status for being idiots, ON PURPOSE! Boy, I’m steamin’ now!
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Well, you know how a dying star tends to go (super)nova at the end of its life? I think Christianity (and religion in general) is a dying star of sorts. People like Ken Ham, Pat Robertson, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, etc. know their take on life will probably not survive more than one or two generations…and so they become aggressive like a dying star. It’s annoying, but it’s still dying nonetheless.
Of course we should still ridicule the people that oppose programs such as COSMOS, but rest assured, those people will disappear soon enough (I know, because the holy F.A.G.G.O.T. told me so;))
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Amen. I agree totally. Theism is fading out. But I thank God every day it ain’t completely gone cause it feeds my writing like Christian babies feed atheist cannibals.
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Oh, don’t worry…I’m sure once theism has vanished people will have thought of another stupid thing to get worked up about. Theism will die, but I doubt human stupidity will;)
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Aliens and idiotic conspiracy theories are Religion’s heirs.
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Yup, that would be my guess too…
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Your back then – bloody good post; worth the wait Sir.
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Thank you kindly, mate. Been reading and working with my improv pals on a new show.
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Best of luck with the show Sir.
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I thank you and it will rock!
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Hey! I live in Backwater Tennessee! When I attempt my escape, I don’t suppose you could put me up for a couple of days?
Just so ya know, you pretty much have these clueless bible thumpers figured out…
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Sure thing. I escaped from there myself a few years back. Be VERY careful as you get near the Backwater town limits. There’s huge ditches filled with burning text books and atheists there. I almost fell in one. Hee Haw!
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Good to see that you’re back.
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Thx. Just took some time to do more reading than writing.
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That’s not a bad choice at all.
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Read Lawerence Krauss’s “A Universe From Nothing” which I’ve been meaning to read for quite a while now. Quite an excellent book.
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Unfortunately I have not much time to read, but it sounds interesting.
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It is. A bit heavy in spots on some of the Physics than some might be able to grasp without having had a Physics course, but not so much so as to be unreadable to those who haven’t. Far more enlightening than the Old Testament.
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I have studied physics at university for some period of time, so that wouldn’t be a problem.
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Then I highly recommend the book.
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I will read the book, only not at short notice.
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Took me 2 years to get to it after a friend gave me a copy. I’m sure that was a bit longer than he’d anticipated. So many books, so little time.
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