Cosmos TV Show Is Dumb And Stupid, Says Southern Christian Pastor

Backwater, Tennessee. An outspoken, and very angry, Southern Christian pastor, The Reverend James Tightsphincter, is claiming the new version of “Cosmos” is not only dumb, it’s stupid.

Reverend James Tightsphincter

Reverend James Tightsphincter

“First off,” Mr. Tightsphincter said this morning, “Mike Tyson is a gosh darned ex-boxer and a convicted felon! What in the H E double toothpicks makes him qualified to host a program about the cosmos? Really?! I mean COME ON!!! Secondly, it is HIGHLY insulting to air such, excuse my French, crud on TV because it is demeaning to Christians like me who are very, very smart and know that the Bible is the ONLY truth there is to EVER know about space and stuff! OOH!!!! I’m telling you, I could poop nickles right about now, I’m so mad!!! Does Mike Tyson think, that just because he’s a big, bad tough guy with a tattooed face, that he can go on TV and tell people lies about the origin of man?! That no good-nick! God made man, and he made him 6000 years ago. That’s an undeniable fact, Mr. Heavyweight Man! And that, excuse my French again, crud you said about the universe being billions of years old is also NOT true. You liar, liar pants on fire, you! There’s harm in telling such lies, pal. They have frightened and angered my poor Jesus loving children SOOOO much, they stormed the local library and pee-peed on every book they found which contained pictures of boxers and/or stars in it.

Mike Tyson Claims He Has No Recollection Of Ever Hosting A TV Show Of Any Kind

Mike Tyson Claims He Has No Recollection Of Ever Hosting A TV Show Of Any Kind

You are dumb, Mr. Mike Tyson! And one day, you’ll get your comeuppance because I, and many other Southern Christian conservatives like me, have really, really big guns and we KNOW how to use them! We are not afraid Mr. Blasphemer. We are not afraid of you one tiny bit. Now why don’t you put that on your stupid TV show and smoke it, eh?

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25 thoughts on “Cosmos TV Show Is Dumb And Stupid, Says Southern Christian Pastor

  1. You had me in stitches! Very good satire 🙂 And I see little Zeus (is it?)is back.

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    • That’s sickening. Really. Sickening. it is time Mommy and Daddy take the fucking religious kiddies out to the wood shed and not return with them til they’ve learned some manners. I fucking HATE Christianity more and more every fucking day I live. And THESE fuckers get tax exempt status for being idiots, ON PURPOSE! Boy, I’m steamin’ now!

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    • Well, you know how a dying star tends to go (super)nova at the end of its life? I think Christianity (and religion in general) is a dying star of sorts. People like Ken Ham, Pat Robertson, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, etc. know their take on life will probably not survive more than one or two generations…and so they become aggressive like a dying star. It’s annoying, but it’s still dying nonetheless.
      Of course we should still ridicule the people that oppose programs such as COSMOS, but rest assured, those people will disappear soon enough (I know, because the holy F.A.G.G.O.T. told me so;))

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    • Amen. I agree totally. Theism is fading out. But I thank God every day it ain’t completely gone cause it feeds my writing like Christian babies feed atheist cannibals.

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    • Oh, don’t worry…I’m sure once theism has vanished people will have thought of another stupid thing to get worked up about. Theism will die, but I doubt human stupidity will;)

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    • Aliens and idiotic conspiracy theories are Religion’s heirs.

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    • Yup, that would be my guess too…

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  2. Your back then – bloody good post; worth the wait Sir.

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  3. Hey! I live in Backwater Tennessee! When I attempt my escape, I don’t suppose you could put me up for a couple of days?

    Just so ya know, you pretty much have these clueless bible thumpers figured out…

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    • Sure thing. I escaped from there myself a few years back. Be VERY careful as you get near the Backwater town limits. There’s huge ditches filled with burning text books and atheists there. I almost fell in one. Hee Haw!

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  4. Good to see that you’re back.

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