Says Melanie Bigclit, spokesperson for the latest militant Christian hate group, The Polytheist Eradicators. “It is because so many idiots today still insist gods other than the Christian God, Jesus, exist that Flight 370 has vanished,” Ms. Bigclit said.
Jesus Says, I’m Not Happy With You
“Jesus sent it, and all on it, into the fires of Hell to burn for all eternity. He did this to show us his contempt for polytheists, even though none were on the flight. He did the same thing to Amelia Earhart, back in day, as well. Snagged her and her plane out of the sky and dropped her off in Hell. She’s been roasting in the fires there for decades because he hates polytheists so much, even though she herself isn’t one.
Amelia Earhart
Jesus gave us specific instructions in the Gospels to eradicate polytheism by the year 1678. He states very clearly that if we do not, he’ll get mad, and hate us. Well, he got mad. And he hates us. That’s why we’ve formed the Polytheist Eradicators group. Each member receives a loaded machine gun, training on how to use it, a burning torch, and a switch blade when they join.
Off To Kill Polytheists
We MUST hunt down and kill every polytheist out there as quickly as possible. Hopefully this will appease Jesus and help ensure that no more aircraft come up missing. Amen.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Where oh where is Jerry Falwell when we really need him?
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Good question. He’s been fairly quiet. He’s not dead, is he?
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Well, yes and no. He has come back as an amoeba. An anorexic amoeba with HIV and pattern baldness.
“Shoulda watched that Karma Thing Jerry…”
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Dead since ’07. Yep. I’m on top of things. At least now I know why I haven’t heard much about him. Hopefully he has come back as you say. Baring that, I at least hope he’s come back as a fly that must spend its whole life locked in a gas station men’s room. On second thought, he probably spent plenty of time on his knees in such places before he died. Your idea’s better.
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I am wondering if my Carruthers character should meet up with Polly Theism? Fine post – enjoyed the comments above also!
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Yes he should. That’s a great idea. I love giving characters word/play type names. Let’s see, there’s actually a whole Theism family here: Polly Theism, Her Dad, Thomas Theism and her Mom, Annie Theism and her Uncle, Jude E.Ism.
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I particularly like Jude E Ism. I did a couple a while back with Harry Krishna and his brother Fred!
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Hilarious.
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Maybe you should contact polytheist hate groups; they will probably blame monotheism for this.
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Polytheists just don’t radiate hate like Christians and Muslims can. Hindus are chill. Naw. Would be a wasted effort.
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You should check scandinavian neopagan extremists
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Forgot about them. Asshole psycho hatemongers and such, but their numbers just don’t add up to the pandemic virus that is Christianity. It’s time Mommy and Daddy take the religion toys away from ALL the children and send them to their rooms without dinner. Religion, Faith, Belief without evidence, these things MUST die or they will kill or species.
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