Taliban To Sell Stones To Stone People With On Wednesday

Rocks For Stoning

Islamic Stoning Rocks

The Taliban, those humorless Muslim mother fuckers we’ve been fighting in Afghanistan for years, are holding a sale this Wednesday on the special stones they use for killing their women when their women behave like whores. “Stoning rocks, we call them,” said Taliban Press Secretary, Omar Yew Sukcock’a. “They must be hand-picked from the desert by two Sheiks, each wearing a gold tunic, on the fourth Sunday after each quarter moon has passed. Mohammad was given these exact instructions by Allah; not to follow them is punishable by stoning. These stones are very expensive, but a man must always have enough of them to stone his wife and/or daughters with should they choose to behave like whores and remove their veils in public or force a man to rape them by looking into his eyes.

 Taliban Press Secretary, Omar Yew Sukcock'a

Taliban Press Secretary, Omar Yew Sukcock’a

As any good Muslim man will tell you, women are devils, sent here to tempt us into damnation with their eyes and faces. The fucking sluts! Should one of them force a man to lose control of himself and rape her, she will be stoned to death in as painful a way as possible. The right stones cause pain first, bleeding second, and then, finally, death as the whore’s skull collapses, and she slowly dies while the gathered crowd chants, “Whore!” over, and over, and over, again.

Rape Victim & Whore Being Stoned

Muslim Rape Victim Being Stoned

The stone sale this Wednesday will be great fun. Men of the Taliban will gather to buy stones, and, when they’ve finished, they’ll gather again to tell great stories about the deaths of the whores who’ve tempted them. Praise be to Allah!”

13 thoughts on “Taliban To Sell Stones To Stone People With On Wednesday

  1. Wow, I really like your digs at Islam (I remember Ken Ham saying something about you not having the audacity to go there on his site…seems he’s proven wrong (but he’s used to that I suppose)…This one in particular is very fierce satire. Glad it’s out there, confronting though it is.


    • Ham said that, eh? I actually never bothered checking with what he said. I’ll be sure to combine him with Islam in a post. something like, “Ham and stones may break your bones, but it’s the Pontificator who’s gonna eat ya!”


  2. Have you watched the Stoning of Soraya M? It is a sad tale and this post just reminded me of it.


  3. The title is an absolute gem! Shades of Python blended with a double dose of fine satire. Great post.


  4. This would make a great commercial in a meme


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