Ken Ham, PZ Myers & President Obama To Debate Facial Hair Benefits

This Sunday evening Creationist Ken Ham, former Skeptic Movement member, PZ Myers, and President Obama will debate the pros and cons of men having beards and/or mustaches on a live, televised event from the White House. “I know that this has been a pressing issue on the minds of every American for sometime now,” President Obama said earlier, “and I felt it was time I addressed the issue rather than let it remain a very large elephant in our very small room of a country for much longer. So I asked for help from two of the most unusual men I know, who also happen to have facial hair, and I shut down all network and cable broadcasts from 8 PM til 11 PM for this coming Sunday. We three men now have a full 3 hours to debate this issue. I asked Mr. Ham to help out with this debate for two reasons. One, because he wears a beard, and he looks damn good in it, too, I might add. And two, because of his unwavering ability to stand by his belief that the Universe is only 6000 years old in spite of the fact he couldn’t be more wrong than if he believed he were really a beautiful ballerina trapped inside a man’s body. I admire that kind of bull-headed stubbornness in a person; though I wouldn’t want him teaching in any school my kids attended. The crazy bastard.

Ken Ham With His Attractive Facial Hair

Ken Ham: Attractive Facial Hair

I chose PZ Myers for two reasons as well. One, because he also has facial hair, though his makes him look a bit wolfen, IMO. And two, because of his courage to quit the Skeptic Movement when 98% of the country actually had no idea there even was one. Now that’s brave folks. A lesser man would just have stopped paying his monthly “Skeptic Movement” dues and said nothing. Drawing attention to one’s self over something as trivial as this could, well, it could leave you open to ridicule and increase your chances of being cannibalized. There are CRAZY people out there today, folks. CRAZY people!

PZ Myer With His Wolf-Like Facial Hair

PZ Myers: Wolf-Like Facial Hair

I know that one of the leading causes of everything from divorce to drug abuse stems from the fact most women do not like their men to have facial hair. Apparently it irritates their skin when they kiss them. This very issue actually once drove me to toss a pair of dirty socks at Michelle when she told me, under no uncertain circumstances, that I could not grow facial hair if I ever hoped to kiss her, much less have sex with her, ever again. I’m a MAN, damn it all to Hell! And like all men, I think a beard looks fucking really cool on me. And VERY masculine! Damn it! I want one! Why do I have to choose?! Huh?! Why?! Friggin’ women! They know we can’t live without the “nookie.” They damn well know it! And they hold that shit over our heads to make us do what THEY want, when THEY want, and how THEY want, all the damn time! This here is a HUGE issue, people! Huge!

President Obama Wears No Facial Hair

President Obama: No Facial Hair

So, I’m really looking forward to Sunday and the 3 hours Ken, PZ, and I will be debating this, and other facial hair issues, on EVERY TV station in the country, at the exact same time. I’m damn curious how Ham got his wife to OK his facial hair, so I’ll start by asking him that. Probably got all Biblical on her ass and threatened to have her stoned to death if she complained, or some such shit. See, there is a benefit to being extremely dense after all. Anyway, tune in Sunday for what’s sure to be an awesome 3 hours of TV. See you then.”

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26 thoughts on “Ken Ham, PZ Myers & President Obama To Debate Facial Hair Benefits

  1. I rather like Ken Ham’s facial hair. I imagine it has an entire ecology of its own. It reminds me of the garden of eden.

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    • I do believe you’re on to something there, my friend.

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    • Well, if Ken Ham’s beard is an ecology, Ken Ham himself is like god to whatever lives there;)

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    • Let’s pray for the things living in it that he never shaves it off. That would be tragic for them.

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    • Ken Ham shaving would be like god flooding the Earth…so let’s not rule anything out:S

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    • Right. And his version of Noah would go live in Ham’s chest hair until the beard grew back. Cool. And gross. I’m a sick man. Sorry.

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    • Yes, you are a sick man…let’s thank god for that and leave it at that, shall we?;)
      I don’t fully agree with you, though. I think Ken Ham’s chest hair is like a parallel universe in this case. I think Ken’s Noah would reside in Ken Ham’s nostrils until his beard grows back.

      If I lived any closer to Chicago I would ask you to go and see ‘Noah’ together (Russell Crowe being Noah in this case)…

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    • Excellent! Of course that’s where’s he’d go. I’m looking forward to seeing “Noah.” The director is excellent, he did “Black Swan” and “Pi”, both movies I liked, and I really LIKE Russell Crowe, a lot, as long as he’s not singing musical theater songs that he sucks at singing. The film supposedly creates a “Lord of the Rings” type of alternate reality where shit like the Ark story can plausibly happen for sake of story telling. Conservative Christians are bent out of shape already over it because they claim it is inaccurate in its portrayal of the “true” Biblical story. Fucking idiots. Idiots. I do wish we could hook up though. I’m certain we could write some damn funny scripts and TV show proposals that would be very sell-able.

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    • Really, Christians get worked up about it because the movie ain’t true to the ‘true’ story?
      That’s all the advertising that movie needs: I’m definitely going to watch it now…

      Well, who knows what we can create someday. I’m really serious about my writing career, even though I haven’t earned a dime yet, and I really believe sites like these (or that of John Zande or Mike Steeden, to name a few) are the way of the future…it’s just a matter of finding the millions of people who haven’t heard of us yet.

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    • I agree with you. I also haven’t earned a dime, but would like to. I also agree with your assessment of Mike Steeden, I want to collaborate with him too someday, and Zande. Zande really impresses me with his research, rhetorical, and argumentative skills. He’s a very bright guy who keeps his cool way better than I can when talking to theistic ding-bats about their stupid ass beliefs. I’ve also learned a lo from him. Good stuff out here.

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    • I’ll watch that. WLC isn’t as out there as Ham, but he’s an apologist and he’s annoying. Sean Carroll is a guy I’ve heard lecture on YouTube before. I like him. Should be a fun evening. Thanks for telling me about it. I’ve got to do a post on WLC, and this will inspire me, I’m sure.

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    • Craig is a dick. He proclaims to be a Christian but the gawd he’s trying to define into existence is not the gawd of the bible.

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    • I’m going to eat him, or something, very soon. Just have to come up with a nice article to write about it. I want him to “Apologize” to me while I’m cooking him for bothering me, too, with his stupid fucking “Apologetic” bullshit. His “Intelligent Designer” bullshit is also stupid, and, you are very right, it has NOTHING to do with the god in the Bible.

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    • and yet no one seems to call him out on it. Maddening.

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    • Religion is maddening. And those without reason are even more maddening to me. Craig is going to be apologizing very soon for bothering people like you and me. Just keep watching my blog.

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  2. Have you a shot of his missus – KH that is. Maybe she’s a tad hirsute and doesn’t get out much? Fine satire.

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  3. That would be a really amazing debate.

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