“As any red-blooded American can tell you,” said Conservative Christian and NFL fan, Thomas Holesobig, “if there’s anything Jesus loves more than hating faggots, it’s watching NFL football games! He fucking LOVES watching beefy, muscular sweaty men with their cocks bulging through their tight, white pants, tackle each other and jump on top of each other on wet, muddy grass. Nothing could be less gay and more Christ-like and manly than this!
Michael Sam: He’s Gay, So Jesus Hates Him
So, this leads me to the topic of Michael Sam. He’s the Missouri football player who recently confessed he likes dick. I know that many decent, Conservative, Christ-loving faggot haters out there are probably thinking, ‘Pal, you just fucked your NFL career away with that confession. No NFL team will draft you now. You are a stain on the ass of Christ’s all-encompassing love for his people. You’re a gay faggot, and you’re evil. Jesus will burn you in Hell forever for this. You’ll never play football again.’ Well, I’m here to say that, if you are thinking this way, you are wrong. You see, Michael Sam is a damn good football player, in spite of his being a cock sucker and taking it up the whammy-hole. And I believe he should be drafted by an NFL team.
Jesus Loves Football As Much As He Loves Hating Faggots
I believe Jesus wants him out there helping a needy team win games. Of course, Jesus will still send him straight to Hell when he dies, for being gay. But, while he lives, and as long as he can produce on the field, there is no reason to think that Jesus won’t swallow his thick, hard, long-lasting hatred of gays long enough to let Michael Sam play a few seasons in the NFL. He’s good enough to help a team or two win the Super Bowl along the way, and Jesus LOVES the Super Bowl. JC’s really an awesome guy and he loves EVERYONE. I don’t know why more people don’t see that. Oh well, it’s their loss if they don’t, eh? I’m off to the bar now to get pissed, make fag jokes, and talk about how big, manly, and un-gay my Christian Conservative cock is.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
This has nothing to do with football, but I thought it might amuse you nonetheless:
Sweet Baby Jesus Beer
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I’d like to try that! Sweet Baby Jesus! What a good idea!
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My love of football is greater than my distain for hate filled, fear mongering Christains ….. This post is awesome!
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Why thank you very much. I live in Chicago and I’m a huge Bears fan. I’m hoping they draft Michael Sam. We really need help on our defense, and this dude is excellent.
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He is awesome!
I live in Phoenix and am a huge Cardinals fan. Our D has been excellent over the last few years, I wouldn’t be disappointed if we drafted him either 😉
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He’s a brave man for doing this. It is about time someone did, and I’m glad it was him. I also think it’s great that Zachery Quinto, Mr. Spock, came out about his homosexuality recently, too. Also brave of him. It’s time our species grew up and stopped acting like children in a play ground looking for reasons to mock the new kids so they can feel good about themselves by putting them down. I’m really tired of it. Really sick and tired of it.
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I couldn’t agree more.
I’m proud to say that my 10year old son asks, “why does anyone care that “so & so” is gay?
It’s hard to believe that my grandparents/ parents generation was just as upset about an African America baseball player…. Oh how ridiculous those people must feel today.
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That’s good to hear about your son. Gives me hope that one day perhaps people will just see each other as fellow humans and not idiotic fucking labels that do nothing but hurt people.
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On top of your game Sir!
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Thank you, my friend from across the pond.
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There you go again!
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I know. Damn me already!
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Time to test a few boundaries again. If a gay guy can make you a beef and bacon sandwich, why not let a couple play football? Oh wait? What if they are good at it? Does that mean manly-men footballers are really just pansy ass faggots? Wait, what if being gay doesn’t mean you’re a pansy ass? Oh damn! Whoa! Maybe the gays could come up with better team names and logos that don’t piss people off? Oh shit, there goes the neighborhood.
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Damn gays! Messing up the fucking stereotypes! This Michael Sam guy is one awesome human being. Brave and what he’s doing will start a shattering process of the ignorant stereo types people have of gays. He’s one damn good defensive end, and he WILL be drafted high. I’m hoping the Bears pick him. We need defense. Football is a religion too. All that matters, ultimately, is that your team win, all is equal then.
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