Evolution Is True, Says Christian Professor

“But only in the sense that monotheism evolved to rise highly above polytheism on the scale of Infallible Correctness created by and for Christians,” said Professor, Don Asa’Dorbell, an expert on Christian and Creationist circular rhetoric.

Creationist Professor, Don Asa'Dorbell

Christian Professor, Don Asa’Dorbell

“Because I am a Christian, and my ‘Faith’ tells me The Bible is 100% true, I am in the perfect position to cast judgement on other people and their beliefs. For example, there are certain groups of people today who are so ignorant, so undeniably dumb, that they STILL practice polytheism even though that belief is clearly an evil one, placed in the world by Satan to lead people into Hell. Hindus are one such group of fools not to embrace the reality their flesh will be repeatedly burned from their bones for all eternity if they do not accept Jesus as the only god who exists. It is a fact of Creationist Science, the ONLY science that matters since it has EVERY answer to EVERY question one could ever ask, that polytheism is a primitive, primordial system of belief. It was surpassed by monotheism, ages ago, as the ONLY correct and intelligent way to view the unseen and completely unprovable, existence of the creator of all things: God/Jesus. Every other ‘god’ that has ever been worshiped or thought to be true is but a fiction: a character created by Satan to lure sinners into Hell.

Ganesh: A Totally Made Up Deity

Ganesh: A Deity Made Up By Satan

Jesus, by rising from the dead, proved to the world he is the only God that exists. The Bible says this. The Bible is infallible. My ‘Faith’ tells me this is true, and EVERYONE knows how great a thing ‘Faith’ is and how the deference it receives is justly deserved. Thus, I know for a scientific fact, because I saw it in a ‘Faith’ inspired dream, that Jesus will soon go door to door, if need be, to personally kill, and send to Hell, every person holding a polytheistic belief or thought, no matter how faint it may be.

Jesus: The Door to Door Killer Of Polytheism

Jesus: Door to Door Killer Of Polytheists

As for those who consider themselves to be monotheists, but worship a fictitious god, such as Muslims and Jews, Jesus will let them live out their natural lives but send them straight to Hell the moment they die. And as for those devil-spawned, evil fools, the a-theists, Jesus’ hatred for them knows no bounds. Thus, he will send them straight to Hell, while yet alive, to let its fires burn them, first to death, and then for all eternity. Their black, faithless, evil souls clearly deserve this for their arrogant disbelief in the obvious existence of Jesus and His Love for us all. So if you are a polytheist, a monotheist worshiping a fictitious character, or, worse of all, an abominable a-theist, repent for your sins NOW and accept Jesus as your All-loving God or suffer his hatred for you and burn forever in Hell. Your choice.

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27 thoughts on “Evolution Is True, Says Christian Professor

  1. Faith: “we’re all right, and if we say we are then it must be true” – the Ape Chant, Rudyard Kipling. I kinda like that. It’s like the Bible being absolute truth because it says so. I mean, what could be wrong with that? As you say, how simple life would be if everybody just had the right “Faith”! (And to think that I was raised Catholic, then became a Born Again Christian… and now I’m commenting on this blog? Surely I’m destined to be dropped to the lowest echelons of hell, several layers below Hitler… No, wait, Hitler has to be in heaven, he tortured and killed millions of Jews, communists and other non-right-believing people. Sitting at the right hand of Jesus, he is; Jesus’ own Darth Vader.)

  2. I believe that God, or whatever entity or entities we believe in, and whatever name or names we call them, only care that we lead a good life to the best of our ability.

    • I feel the same. Only I need no “other” unseen being or beings to care about it. Problems arise when we attribute subjective ideas like “good life, and how best to achieve it,” to a divine perfect being or beings. What the good life is for the Islamic Fundamentalist in way reflects a good life to me. We need to think in terms of what is good for human beings. How do we help the race survive and let all who are part of it enjoy the good life without killing, judging, and torturing those who do not hold our particular beliefs. Black and white dogmatic views of the world and people are ways to destroy ourselves. What we need to ask ourselves, both individually and as a race, is, “How can I best help make the world a place where everyone feels they’re living a good life to the best of my ability.”

  3. Ok, I am ready to repent. I’m just having a little trouble with the “All-loving God or suffer his hatred for you and burn forever in Hell.” part.

    Can someone explain that in a way that doesn’t make my logic chip explode?

    • You need “Faith” in order to see the logic in this most illogical ideology. Just open your mind to it and you will see the stupid nonsense is logical if you REALLY, REALLY want it to be. Or not. As is the case with me. I’m rather insulted by it, really.

  4. I hope when Jesus comes to punish all the sinners that he will look like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction, that would be so cool – and by the way I saw it in a faith inspired dream ! So it must be so !

  5. 3 million gods on yet at least the Hindu’s gave us the Karma Sutra! Must count for something? All the Christian’s preach missionary position only if my interpretations of their teachings are still correct? Fine musings as ever.

  6. Now do I have choice in this matter, really?

  7. Darn, I thought I was playing it safe by honoring the flying spaghetti monster!

    On the other hand, Jesus with a gun don’t look so tough. I don’t think he stands much of a chance in the Mumbai ghetto, which I’m sure is on his route. I’m pretty sure that if my next Chicken Tandoori tastes off, it’s because those kind hindus took it too far when he explained they should eat his bread, for it is his body.

    Other than that there are no logical fallacies to be detected in Don’Asa Dorbell’s reasoning.

  8. In a fight among religions, I think I’m going to put my money on the Hindus. Not only do they have more gods, some of their gods have lots of arms.

  9. You are god, I’m convinced. Only YHWH could know the ‘true’ motivations of YHWH. Clearly you have the understanding of it all.

  10. I don’t see any conflict of interest here πŸ™‚

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