As some of you may already know, I am an a-theist cannibal who is driven by evil and sick impulses which I simply let run wild due to the fact I do not believe in Jesus. There is no better way to enjoy my a-theistic depravity than by consuming the flesh of Christian whack-jobs like Ken Ham and others like him who’ve deliberately and proudly chosen to be stupid, arrogant idiots. I’m saving Ken Ham to consume for my Easter dinner, as ham is more of a traditional Easter meal.
In the mean time, however, I’ve decided to eat conspiracy whack-job and jackass extraordinaire, Alex Jones, this coming Valentines Day. He REALLY annoys the shit out of me. Therefor, I’m going to boil him slowly alive in cooking oil for 8 hours, after first removing his tongue, Achilles tendons, and eye lids. I’m removing his tongue so I won’t have to listen to him scream while he boils, and I don’t want him running away, so I’m removing his Achilles tendons. His eyelids I’m removing because I want him watching every step of the cooking process I’ll be using on him right up to the moment he finally dies, which usually happens in or around hour six of the boiling process. Nothing conspiratorial here, just good ‘ole fashion cannibal cookin’ and flesh eatin’. Yummy, yum, yum, yum!
For those of you who may not know who Jones is, he runs a website called, “Alex Jones Infowars,” and has a YouTube channel devoted to his unimaginative and intellectually insulting conspiracy theories. He believes “evil” dark forces within the U.S. Government are responsible for 9/11 and, even more insultingly ignorant, The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting which happened just over a year ago. Here’s a brief YouTube video with my future Valentines Day meal conspiring away on Sandy Hook and a few other similar tragic shootings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XdTHuidmXE. This guy is a douche bag wrapped inside a shit-filled diaper. There is a price for deliberately choosing to be a stupid, moronic idiot and loudly sharing this information with the world. And that price is me.
Mr. Jones, the only conspiracy going on is the one YOU are part of. You, sir, are part of a conspiratorial group of ignorant, uneducated, proudly stupid, lazy idiots, who’ve invaded my country with the intent of spreading your mindless, painfully annoying, hypotheses to others like an outbreak of bubonic plague. I’m going to eat you, Alex Jones, like I eat all those who I find offensive to humanity’s betterment. I’m going to boil you, slowly alive in oil, and then eat you. And what of you I don’t eat, I’ll feed to my dog.
I can do this because, as a Christ-less a-theist, I’ve no decent morals. I act on all the sick impulses I have churning deep within my godless being without guilt or shame of any kind. I love cannibalizing people like you, Alex Jones, at least on this blog, I do. So I’ll see you soon, Alex Jones, because I’m very, very hungry, and I MUST eat someone soon or I’ll simply go MAD!