Big Foot released a statement today that he has shot and killed,”2 redneck som’bitchin’ hillbillies”, whom he claims have been trying to kill him for years.
Did Big Foot Kill These 2 Big Foot Hunters?
“I finally got those som’bitches,” Mr. Foot told Fox News earlier today. “I saved up my pennies and dimes and bought me a double barrel shot-gun. I sawed off the first 8” of the barrels, and waited for those hillbilly bastards to leave their tent to hunt me. Then I blew their fuckin’ faces off. Dumb hillbilly bastards. I’m going to tour with the bodies in a few months once I kill me a few more people to put on display along with ’em. I’m thinking, maybe, some terrorists or somethin’. Those’ll look mighty nice next to these 2 dumb bastards’ corpses, I reckon.
Big Foot Posing With Weapons
I got me a pal in Omaha who’s a kick-ass taxidermist. I’ll have him stuff my kills in action poses for the tour, you know, ta make my narration of events seem cooler ‘n shit. Anyways, keep yer eyes open for the tour. I think I’ll call it, ‘Big Foot’s Tour With The Bodies Of The Dumb-Ass Hillbillies Who Tried To Kill Him, Minus Their Faces ‘Cause They’s Been Blowed Off.’ Wadda ya all think?” Stay tuned to Fox for more on this story as it breaks.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
That title will be a mouthful!
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Is a mouthful. And yet, it so sums up the event as Big Foot describes it.
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With that title, you will not be needing a story to go with it! I would love to be in that head of yours for a few minutes
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It’s kinda noisy in here. I got movies playing, flesh toasting, and Jesus kicking ass! I’m telling you, every time I read a Big foot story in the main press I get pissed off. I SO much WANT it to be real. Ever since I was a kid, I thought, wow, wouldn’t it be cool if a 9ft tall bi-pedal, hominid ancestor were found living in Northern California? But it ain’t gonna happen and these ninnies who take grainy pics of Chewbacca masks that they try to pass off as real evidence, piss me off. I guess I get pissed cause I know something I want to be real just can’t be, no matter how much I wish it were true, like God. Know what I mean?
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What pisses me off usually is how the government is run. I have chosen the route that allows me to know as little as possible of what the clowns in government are plotting. I wish there was an easier way of killing politicians. I think people would understand it was done for their own good.
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I think the government sucks and highly favors the haves over nobodies like me. I don’t think killing politicians would change shit. I also don’t think politicians have a thing to do with crack pots trying to profit by saying they shot and killed a Big Foot. My story here on bigfoot is in response to some idiot in the news claiming he’ll soon be touring with the body of big foot whom he’s just killed. Of course he’s going to charge $ for ninnies to see the “body”. That isn’t a government plotting anything. It’s a con man taking advantage of people too stupid to see the nose on their own face because they WANT to believe it isn’t there. Politicians are too stupid to plot anything, and they don’t have to. In America at least, wealthy folks and wealthy politicians walk all over people and take whatever they want because people don’t realize just how powerful they’d be if they organized and TOOK control of the government. Anyway, Big Foot ain’t real, and neither are smart politicians.
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Sounds legit
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Doesn’t it, though?
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A gem of a piece that scores on a number of levels – great stuff.
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Why thank you, sir. Your kind remarks are greatly appreciated.
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You have a great blog – just wish I discovered it earlier.
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Thanks. You’re reading it now is all that matters. Spread the word, my brother.
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