I Was A Zionist For The County But Now I’m A Liberal For The State

Me And My Zionist Cannibal Pals, circa 1929

Me And My Zionist Cannibal Pals, circa 1929

I’ve no fucking idea what that means, but I like the sound of it. And for some reason, it seemed to fit this post which is about my opinions. My radical Zionist opinions. Particularly my opinions on 2 topics that 3 different people, entirely independent of each other, told me they had logically flawless answers to in the last 2 days. The logically impenetrable answers that were presented to me were on these hot button topics, “Should abortion remain legal?”, and “Is there a God?” I’ve no interest in debates on these topics with people, so if I’m asked my opinion on them, I generally talk about Thor and The Hulk and who’s stronger, and that kinda tells people I’m not interested in the discussion. But, since it’s New Years Eve, and I’m just sitting here writing all alone, I’ll give my opinion on said topics. And though my meek opinions of flawless perfection can most definitely be argued with, that isn’t what’s going to happen here. For the record: I do not care if you disagree with me or want to state a counterpoint to mine. This is my blog and you’re not doing it here. There are PLENTY of blogs to have debates on about these issues if you want. This isn’t one of them. I’m a Zionist cannibal with the goal of eating everyone who bothers me. So don’t.

No one has flawlessly perfect, logically impenetrable points about these issues which everyone agrees with. All fucking people EVER do is argue about these issues, and many people who do are very, very, intelligent. So no, no point is so flawlessly logical that it can’t be argued against from an opposing side. When there are numerous people, with numerous arguments related to the same topic, claims of absolute and flawless logic in regards to any one argument is not something I take very seriously. Abortion is viewed by most as a black and white issue but, from what life’s taught me, it isn’t. I’m not a woman. I can’t become pregnant. I may LOOK pregnant from the abundance of carbohydrates I consume, but rest assured, I’m not nor can I ever become pregnant. I do still have an opinion on abortion, however, and it follows below.

I do not think the aborting of a fetus from the womb of a pregnant woman is funny, a game, a good choice of birth control, nor to be taken lightly by anyone for any reason. I also think if any of these prior descriptions fit your attitude about abortion, you need serious mental health counseling. I also do not think abortion should be illegal. It is a women’s right to have control of her body. If men had to carry babies and squeeze them out of our bodies, the legalization of abortion would be a non issue. As a matter of fact, I’m quite certain the fucking human species would have died out thousands of years ago if this were the case. As for when a fetus should be considered to be fully “human”, I say at the sperm and egg stage. Treat the death of each sperm cell, especially those wasted through masturbation, as the loss of a human life, and hold the offending masturbators guilty of infanticide for their inability to control themselves, and different tunes sung in different keys will be sung. I am not in any way kidding about this, nor do I mean to make light of the matter. As well, each month, after a woman’s period, a funeral should be held in honor of the half human who ALMOST made it to being a full human. Human sperm cells and egg cells are HUMAN. They are souls waiting for bodies. They are not fish. They are not monkeys. They are HUMAN. And their loss is tragic. Start treating them as such, and the whole abortion issue will be replaced with this one. Again, I am serious about my stance on this. That being said, I want it known that I would defend with my very life, if necessary, a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body.

The Holy Mouth Of Rambling Pontifications

The Holy Mouth Of Rambling Pontifications

Another answer to a question I never asked but was given any way involves the absolute certainty of God’s existence and how it can be proven flawlessly through rhetorical means alone. The undeniable “evidence” for God’s existence given in most of these arguments is that since the universe exists, it had to have been created by God because something can’t come from nothing. Really? Perhaps this is true. Sounds spiffy. Though how this then confirms the existence of the CHRISTIAN god in particular, I don’t know. But then I’m just an idiot who PRETENDS to know shit in order to get cheap laughs, so you can’t go by me. When I’m presented with definitive statements about God and our universe, a universe that is mind-boggling to me in its complexity, I’m amazed  such immense, all-powerful knowledge can be contained within single mortal minds. Possible I guess. But, you know, I’m really going to need some real evidence if I’m going to believe anything I’m told like this. And, no, having won the gold medal for debate in the 1985 Wisconsin State Debate Finals doesn’t count.

The complete acceptance, and by so many, of rhetorical arguments alone as proof for the Christian creator of the cosmos makes me wonder why we’ve pissed away so much money on particle accelerators in search of the Higgs boson, when all that’s apparently needed to prove anything to millions of people is a logically sound argument, flawlessly articulated, that NO ONE could EVER argue against. Fuck physical evidence. If Peter Higgs SAYS there’s a Higgs field, and he states it soundly enough, then god damn it, there’s a Higgs field giving mass to energy. Period. I don’t know about you, but I’m rather glad medical science doesn’t operate this way.

I’m glad medicine has tests that scientists took the time to develop to see whether or not I actually need things like insulin and chemotherapy before I start to use them. If my doctor told me to go home and start injecting insulin because he had a flawless argument as to why I needed it all written out for me, I’d get a different doctor. So would anyone else, I think. Which makes me not get the God ABSOLUTELY HAS to exist type of arguments people espouse. I’m happy for them if they believe what they say, but I’m not happy when I get the “what kind of idiot are you to NOT believe what I’m saying” look when I say I do not believe for lack of evidence. I’m not bashing the believer, either. I’ve learned that what people BELIEVE to be true is far more significant and powerful than what actually IS true about what they believe. I get it. A person’s faith is like their ethnicity and I can respect that, but then I want my way of viewing reality respected as well. And to me, it is just unwise to accept extraordinary claims without extraordinary evidence. If you don’t believe me, just shoot insulin the next time someone tells you to just because they wrote a logically flawless argument for why you needed it.

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8 thoughts on “I Was A Zionist For The County But Now I’m A Liberal For The State

  1. I don’t want to piss you off – nothing worse than an upset Zionist cannibal, I came across one up in the Peace River – OK, well, it could have been a wolverine but the similarities are there. Anyway, as I said, I don’t want to piss you off by saying you wrote two great arguments re: abortion and the (non)existence of god. In a nutshell, not that I’m calling you a nut either. Would you mind NOT pointing that lightning bolt in my direction?

  2. I had a good laugh reading this. If the debate on abortion would be brought to that level, no one will be talking about. We would soon adopt the policy of live and let live

    • I think so too. That’s why I’m very serious about it. The Catholic churches official stand is that “every sperm is sacred.” Monty Python fans all should know that. Each sperm wasted through wanking is a potential Catholic killed. So what I propose is enforce that. Make a huge fucking stink about it. I mean be fair, eh? How is it that men have fucked things up so bad?

    • This would be a very interesting debate

    • I think so. Though it would go something like, “Is a sperm cell really a human if it only has half the DNA of a normal human?” Of course this will be seen differently than the 8 cell zygote that the morning after pill would terminate because, well, I personally would have been imprisoned for murder by the time I was 12 had I not been able to masturbate. Guys, you know.

    • You are the bomb! Now we need to print banners for this campaign. Time to hear legislators oppose this claim and on what basis

    • LOL! I’d love it.

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