I’ve made a lot of enemies this weekend, Ken Ham, Jedi Master PZ Meyers/Peezus Myers and his loyal following of sanctimonious puppies, but I never expect this. A real cannibal from somewhere in Texas (go figure, eh?) has filed a defamation of character lawsuit against me because he says I’m giving real cannibals a bad name with my cannibal posts. The cannibal’s name is Harry Eatumup, and along with a notice that he was suing me, he sent me this letter, which I post below.
“My dear Bigoted Shit-head,
My name is Harry Eatumup. I know cannibals. I went to school with cannibals. My wife is a cannibal. And you, sir, are no cannibal. I also happen to be a decent, law-abiding cannibal myself and I have to tell you, you have insulted us greatly with your recent posts in which you claim to be a cannibal who’s going to eat either Ken Ham or Lord PZ Meyer’s for Christmas dinner. No real cannibal would eat such foul, nasty meat if he were paid a million dollars to do so. The suggestion itself is so repulsive to me that it has spoiled my appetite, hurt my feelings, and made me cry. You are an unfeeling man, Mr. Pontificator. You lack empathy and fail to see the true beauty and love real cannibals bring to the world. You’ve made a mockery of our culture and our culinary arts in your childish and crude blog posts. Instead of getting to know the real cannibals in your community, you’ve shamed them further into hiding. So I’m suing you, Mr. Pontificator, for defaming my character, my culture, and my taste in food. See you in court.”
Man, who haven’t I offended this weekend? If you think of someone, let me know so I can because it’s almost over.