In a really unusual occurrence this morning, a wormhole opened up next to Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Even more unusual was that William Wallace, aka Braveheart, stormed out of it on horseback, smashed the church to splinters, and castrated Mr Phelps with a dull butter knife. He also sealed Mr Phelps’ testicles into his mouth with a rusty piece of chicken wire before cauterizing Phelps’ groin so he wouldn’t bleed out.
He then tied Mr Phelps to a bench and had several barn yard animals sodomize him for several hours. After releasing Mr. Phelps, Mr. Wallace re-entered the wormhole and it vanished. Though no words were exchanged between the two men during this violent attack, Mr. Phelps screams could be heard up to a mile away, that is until his mouth was sewn shut with his testicles inside. The end.