A Very Unhappy Jesus
“Seriously people,” Jesus asked the souls of Fundamentalists and Creationists awaiting judgement at the gates of Heaven today, “do I look happy with any of you? How bloody dense are you? Reading the Bible LITERALLY? I mean COME ON!!! My Father gave you a friggin’ brain! Why in My Own Name did you not use it? And if you had to take the Bible LITERALLY, why not take what I SAID in it LITERALLY and love the least amongst you as you would ME? Instead, you chose to justify your own bigotry and hatred with Old Testament nonsense. You self-aggrandizing fools are not spending an eternity in Paradise after living lives like that. You had the audacity to use MY name to justify YOUR hate. Did you really think I was going to be OK with it? Fuck you all! I sentence you all to burn eternally in Hell for this.”
Jesus had no further comment on this matter, but His mood did brighten a little when he heard the blood curdling screams of the condemned being lowered into Hell to begin their eternity of suffering.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
The look on their faces, if they would have any, would be worth several dollars
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Millions of them.
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Nasty Jesus. This must the baby Jesus detailed in the Infancy Gospels; the little tyrant who goes Colonel Kurtz and murders kids left right and center…. and DRAGONS! I seriously love that Jesus.
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Yep. I like him too. I sometimes hope that Jesus is god and is real and is exactly like he’s portrayed in the Gospels, just so he can send Christians to Hell. Christianity to me is represented by the Catholic Priests who’ve been raping little boys and then being secretly moved around the globe, if caught, so they can continue to rape. And it’s represented by the fundamentalist gay-hating, misogynistic fuck wads who literally make me want to puke with their vile rhetoric about what is good and evil. There is nothing in Christianity which shows me Christians have any knowledge that their supposed god ever said one fucking word about love, the only thing attributed to him I find remotely, “divine”. For indeed, how like gods we would be if we all treated each other as if we were indeed divine beings ourselves, worthy of respect and care simply because we are here. What would that be like? I need no god to tell me THAT would be paradise.
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Ramen to that
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Noodles to you, too. Praise be Jeebus!
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