News out of the Middle East today is that former Pope, Benedict, has converted to Islam in order to wed a 12-year-old girl he first saw while on vacation in Orlando this past summer. “I saw her coming off the “It’s A Small World” ride at Disney World, and knew I had to have her,” said Benedict, who now calls himself Sheikh Allah-BaBa-BooBoo. “My mind immediately began to race toward ways I could possess a young girl both legally and morally, and I decided the best way would be to convert to Islam, kidnap the child, take her to a country run by fanatical Muslim idealists, and marry the bitch there. That’s exactly what I did, too. And there ain’t a fuckin’ thing anyone can do or say about it because my faith allows my disgusting behavior, and the world gives religion a blind deference, so piss off if you don’t like it.” It is not known which Muslim country Mr. BaBa-BooBoo is living in, but President Obama has released a statement saying his hands were tied in this situation due to it being a religious issue and imaginary, invisible beings were involved that could send him to Hell if he messed with this great “mystery” of theirs.